My doctor, who affectionately referred to himself as Father Doctor Martinez, was...well, crazy. The following is a list of all the ridiculous things that happened that night.
- After the nurse told me I only needed to have a tetanus if I hadn't had one in the last 10 years (which I had), dr told me I need one if I hadn't had one in the last 5 years (which I had not). For most this might not be a big deal, but for someone who has a totally irrational fear of needles this is not okay. Dr. fed me some BS about how statistically the shot only lasts for 5 years in 50% of the population while it lasts for 10 in the other 50% and since there was no way of knowing which 50% I was in I would have to get the shot.
- Dr. was a big fan of statistics...made up statistics that is. When I came in he asked what time I cut my finger. It happened 15 minutes shy of 6 hours before he asked me this question. He then started to lecture me about not coming in earlier. He left the room and came back 5 minutes later with a graph that looked like this:He then proceeded to explain this graph to me, until Randi interrupted him and said, "As law students, I think we can read a graph." By the time he finished his little rant, it had been 6 hours since I cut my hand. If he had just put the damn stitch in when I first came in his whole little speech would have been unnecessary.
- First he told me I couldn't have stitches because I waited to long to come in (see above) then he decided I needed a stitch because the cut probably wouldn't stay shut and heal on its own. He then gave me the choice of whether or not I wanted novacaine or not. However, he wouldn't just straight up make a recommendation, though he did tell me a story about 12 times about how when he was a kid his dad put 9 stitches in the bottom of his foot without any novacaine. Since I'm so awesome (read: afraid of needles) I opted for being stabbed only twice (instead of 4 times) and got my stitch without any medication. It hurt like hell, but was over soon enough.
- While stitching me up dr told me to think of that boy I used to like in high school, who was all dreamy, but I could never talk to...and who ignored me....awkward silence followed.
- When asked the list of questions about smoking, drugs, and alcohol I responded, no, no, and not habitually. Dr went off about how even "Father Doctor Martinez" needs to party every once in a while. He also told me and Randi that he was going to dress up as Barack Obama's twin brother for halloween and how he might need a bullet proof vest...another awkward silence.