Stress

So I read this post on Her.meneutics (a Christianity Today blog directed toward women) today about over committed and stressed out college students turning Adderoll. As a recently graduated law student I am intimately aware of the pressure to do and be committed to too much as a college and/or graduate student. However, I cringe at the solution offered here that these students should simply be taught (and expected) to commit to less. After practicing the Sabbath throughout my time as an undergraduate and into the first year of law school, I realized that it just wasn’t practicable any more. Academic demands had increased, I needed to work both for the experience and the financial reasons, I wanted to take time to serve in my church in order to develop community and fellowship there, and yes, I wanted to do fun stuff on occasion which sometimes resulted in me working on Sundays. While taking the Sabbath was a great form of spiritual discipline, it just pushed activities and stress to other times of my week. 

College students seem to have more discretionary time at their disposal than any other group of people (something I would have wholeheartedly denied as a college student, but see differently now). This doesn't undermine the fact that students are stressed, there is pressure to fill all of that free time with various activities and commitments. The hard thing is that college kids want do to it all, or at least I did anyway. Instead of telling them to say no (because they won’t), I think the Church, Christian colleges, and even secular schools need to offer better resources for dealing with stress and heavy workloads so that students don’t turn to unhealthy behaviors like using Adderall. In a systemic sense I think the availability and destigmatization (<-- not a word, but this is my blog so I get to make up words) of mental health services is imperative, but beyond that as Christians we have something else to offer. 

We need to remember and remind each other that we are defined by Christ. Our worth comes solely from God and our value is not earned, but given to us out of grace. Truly understanding and believing this has huge ramifications for how we experience success and prioritize our lives. This does not necessarily solve the problem of feeling over whelmed or over committed at times, but it completely changes what we turn to in those times.  This is not a quick and easy solution. Instead it is a continual process of sanctification and the Church has an opportunity to help students grow in their understanding of this. 

In my experience, mentorship by godly spiritually mature women was (and is) an invaluable resource for self-reflection and spiritual growth. These women have continually been a source of encouragement and a dose of reality for me. Both as an undergraduate and a graduate student I lived far from my parents and the normal day to day life I grew up in. Both in Berkeley and here in Minnesota I have had a families from church opened their homes to me on a weekly basis. I didn't feel like a guest in their home, but I mean that in the best way possible. I just felt like I was at home, except these homes had little kids who wanted to throw darts, play dress up, or watch a movie with me and they weren't always on their best behavior. The point is that they reminded me that there was more to life than my busy college world and gave me a sense of normalcy among the chaos. I also had a strong community of friends who were dealing with the same stresses I was and were plugged into similar support networks. We related to each other and were able to be real with each other. They provided me with accountability as well as an outlet for some of my stress. In the context of these communities, I was reminded daily that my hope is in Christ and that even in the midst of stress and feeling like I am drowning I am loved. 

Sure, I could have said no to more stuff and I might have been less stressed, but stress is inevitable no matter what you do (right?). What kept me afloat was the community I was surrounded by continually reminding me of my identity in Christ.

P.S. Sorry there is so much churchy jargon in this post. Hopefully the point still gets across. 

Be Still

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14

School has started again, though I'm not sure that I've really started school quite yet. Still don't have the books I ordered on line, though hopefully they will be awaiting me when I go home this evening. Haven't read for this week (for obvious reasons). I have a million meetings scheduled, but haven't attended any yet. The busyness of it all is kind of overwhelming, but still removed, sort of looming in front of me.

Also looming out there is the fact that this is my last year of school EVER. There is a certain amount of excitement that comes with finally reaching my educational goals, but I am definitely nervous about the fact that I don't have a job yet. That I don't know where I'm going to live next year. That I don't know where I should take the bar. That I'm comfortable in Minnesota and I don't want to leave, but might not have a choice. That I have no idea what the next step is.

So, here I am. Feeling like I'm standing on a ledge with a lot of nothing in front of me and for whatever reasons, feeling very pessimistic about the whole thing. Yet, I know God is there. So often in my life His plans tend to unfold in the eleventh hour. A friend actually pointed this out to me and admonished that perhaps (read: most definitely) God is trying to teach me to rely on Him...over and over and over and over. I will plan if given the opportunity. I tend to live my life in such a way that basically says, "Hey God, how about I plan all this out and You make it happen. Sound good?" So when I can't plan, I'm "forced" to rely on whatever God is doing and I'm reminded, that though it is not in my nature, this is probably part of the sanctification God desires for me.

Tuesday morning before school I came across the verse at the beginning of this post. As I read, I just kept coming back to it and was reminded of this verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

I love this verse and try to focus on it when life is getting busy, but I've always associated it with peaceful imagery; waterfalls, warm sun, soft breezes, that sort of thing. I love how the passage in Exodus tells the people to be still as they stared at a huge army ready to take them out. I was also somewhat surprised to read the rest of Psalm 46 and find that the passage preceding this one also uses some battle imagery, because in all honesty, that's where I feel like I'm at right now. What does it mean to be still? I'm pretty sure it has something to do with prioritizing. Recognizing who God is and who I am (or rather, who I am not). Trusting that despite how I feel, God is there and in control. Learning to let go of the "what ifs" and wait. For now, I am praying God will teach me to be still and that He would take care of all those "Egyptians" I'm worried about.

I leave you with this gem from one of my favorites, the Newsboys.

Be Still

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

we've been running without a direction
we're afraid to get there late
what we need is strength just to kneel down
and wait

Why Didn't I take Pictures?

Tonight me and the other law school Molly fulfilled our semester long dream of hosting a hot dish party. I made tater-tot hot dish using a recipe from the Minnesota Winter Festival's Hot Dish Tent and other Molly made a hot dish from what is becoming one of my favorite cookbooks, Hot Dish Heaven. Hot Dish Heaven was written by Ann Burckhardt, which is only funny because there is a prof at law school whose name is Ann Burkhart and she would totally be the type to make hot dish. She recently auctioned off her help with drafting a will for a school fundraiser, which I did not bid on. However, if she had auctioned off a night of hot dish making I totally would have bid on her. I digress. Molly and I asked people to bring either bars or a salad as defined by Minnesotans (In Minnesota a salad is pretty much any mixture of ingredients served cold. See Frog Eye Salad, Seven Layer Salad, Broccoli Salad.) While I am very grateful for those who brought food, they did not so much catch the vision Molly and I had. We got one real salad, several non-bar desserts, and orange juice. Still, hot dish night was definitely a success, I only wish that I had taken pictures.

Chair Races

In the last 4 days I have taken 3 finals. Luckily I have almost a whole week before my next one and then it's summer! I whine about how stressful law school is a lot, so rather than focusing on that I have a story about how law school can be awesome... even during finals.

Law school has turned me into an old person and generally speaking I prefer to be in my bed by 10pm and asleep by 11pm on weeknights. Law school is the last place I want to be at midnight, and yet that's exactly where I was on Tuesday night. Luckily I was not there studying or citechecking (THANK GOODNESS). Christine and I showed up to watch several of our friends make fools of themselves and disrupt the entire library during finals in the middle of the night (and I thought I was being a rebel by wearing my flipflops). An epic rolly-chair race from one corner of the library to the other and back. Awesomeness...

Don't You Wish Your Law School Friends Were Cool Like Mine?

I received one of the most amazing and unique Christmas presents ever this year from my law school friend Dave. He made Me, Randi, and Bri Lego scenes(?). Rather than writing about them, I'll just show pictures.

This is Me, Randi, and Bri. My Lego thing is a coffee shop, Randi's is a court room, and Bri's is a bar, with a stripper pole. I like how I'm literally glowing in this pic. We're going to put these on our desks at work.

This is a close up of me in my coffee shop. Note: it's a corner (pretty sure you didn't remember that off hand and got it off of fb Dave), pink coffee mug, shutters, handmade lego chair, brief case (that opens) for lappy, smooth floors, and fancy lamp (doesn't turn on). Dave was going to put a plant in the corner, but was apparently out of plant legos. If it was the thought that counted this wouldn't matter....bummer.


This is a dorky pic of Dave, who if he ever reads this, will probably kill me for posting this pic. He's using his lego mug that Randi and I got him for his B-day last year in the law school library. Dave hearts legos (though I doubt he would use that phrase). I don't know if this is a fair introduction of him onto the blog. He's way cooler than this makes him out to be, and he obviously gives great Christmas presents.

Milestone

I AM HALF WAY DONE WITH LAW SCHOOL!!!

Taken Off Guard

I was going over my Reproductive Rights notes at Starbucks today when a woman came up and asked what I was studying. I hesitated for a second deciding whether or not I should tell her specifically what I was studying or give her a more general description. The lady didn't give me a choice. When I told her I was a law student studying for finals she asked what courses I was taking. I really didn't feel like getting into it with some stranger in the middle of Starbucks when I was in a productive mood, but I was afraid that if I only listed 2 classes she'd think I was a slacker (3 is much better right???). Of course she zeroed right in on my Choice class and asked if I was taking it for any specific reason. Again, trying to avoid a political discussion I gave the most neutral answer I could think of: "I'm generally interested in the topic and it seemed relevant." Before I knew it she was asking me if I could agree that secular humanism affected judicial decisions like Roe. I just kept telling myself to smile and nod. She just assumed I supported abortion rights. I wanted to tell her that I agreed with her, but I didn't know if she was the sort of pro-lifer I wanted to associate myself with as she spouted off random studies that link abortion to cancer, started quoting doctors, and throwing out lots of big words. She was clearly ready to confront and change my liberal ideology. Even after I politely mentioned that I don't agree with abortion, she was still very confrontational. She left telling me about how tragic she thought it was that the academic community shunned conservative view points and seemed to be warning me that if I spoke up in class about what I really thought I would probably fail whether or not what I said had any academic merit.

The irony in all this is that I've been stressing about this very thing as I prepare for this final. Taking this class has been a challenge, and most days I am the only one advocating "conservative" viewpoints, but overall I have really appreciated the opportunity to study this topic through a legal lens. Now, as I create my outline and think about the various issues that come up I'm continually asking myself, "how would I answer this?" and "what does my professor want to hear?" I hope that I can achieve some sort of balance as I write my final, making clear and convincing arguments for what I know is right and true, but not forgetting my audience and how complicated this topic really is.

Mini Life Assessment

So, I'm 3 weeks into school and I haven't had a chance to come up to breath. Between Law Review, classes, working in a law clinic in school, and working 16 hrs a week, I haven't had much (any?) free time. The odd thing is, I'm struck by how grateful I am for each of the things I'm doing this semester.

Law Review - In addition to becoming a bluebooking bad ass and bff w/ CMOS (Chicago Manual of Style), I'm genuinely challenged to think and solve problems while trudging through an onslaught of footnotes to be edited. It's crazy to think how reliant we are on the internet for research. And even though procuring a hard copy of every single source cited in an article seems slightly archaic/pretentious, I'm kind of proud that I know how to find the most up to date current US laws in a book. Not to mention all those photo copying skilz I picked up working at Bancroft Library are totally coming in handy.

Classes - While I'm enjoying all of my classes, I'm most surprised by my Reproductive Choice Law class. I came in with the expectation that I would be a conservative in a sea of liberalism backed by one of the most notoriously left-leaning professors at the school. While this is still true, I have been pleasantly surprised by that professors ability to present both sides of most issues. The class is largely discussion based, and while I may have singled my self out from the rest of the crowd, I don't feel like I can't speak my mind.

In addition to Choice Law I'm taking Employment Law and Modern Real Estate. Our employment law professor plays a song from his "employment law sound track" everyday before class, so that pretty much makes him awesome. My Modern Real Estate class is one of the most applicable classes I have ever taken in my life. Buying a house just seems intimidating, and while I don't expect to buy one any time soon, I feel like by the time this class is over I could handle it with confidence. Also, the professor is a rock star, by day 2 she had everyone's name memorized based on the pictures she has of us on our seating chart. She also has the most wicked MN accent EVER.

Law Clinic - I'm involved in the Child Advocacy Law Clinic. This clinic is one of the reasons why I chose to go to the U. Little did I know that everyone wants to be in a clinic and each clinic only has about 10 spots that are assigned via a lottery system. I got lucky! Anyway, I basically get to be a lawyer, under the supervision of a real lawyer (think the scene in Legally Blonde where Elle takes over as Brooke's attorney). The other amazing thing is that the work I'll be doing in this clinic is exactly what I would want to do if I didn't have a ridiculous amount of school loans to pay off. I call my first client next week!

Work - I love my job! In addition to having a boss who tells the best lame jokes, I'm actually doing law stuff. School is a lot of theory and "learning to think like a lawyer." At work I have cases, I talk to clients, I write stuff for clients, I file petitions for stuff. It's so cool to see the mechanics of all this thinking. And I work with Randi; enough said.

My House - I feel like I need to tack this one on. I really love my new place. It's really comfortable and I'm already starting to feel like I'm developing a sense of community here that I was lacking before. I love the stage where you get to know the people you are living with: who is a morning person, who gets annoyed by perky morning people, who likes to tell stories, who gives comfort, who serves, who likes the same tv shows as me, etc.. Sadly, I am the only coffee drinker and unfortunately I bought the 10 cup coffee maker. Every morning now I'm faced with a problem: can I drink 10 cups of coffee or do I attempt to make a smaller portion. No matter what I always have too much and half of it goes down the drain (literally and figuratively).

Happy First Week of School to Me!

I was picking up some school supplies when I came upon this:


The Post-it flag, highlighter, AND pen has arrived! Additionally, they are sparkly and come in 3 colors. Pretty much made my day!

I do however, have a few criticisms. I don't know about this two-lid action that's going on. I'm worried about losing the post-it flags/pen lid. Also the post-it/highlighter/pen does not have that fancy turning mechanism that keeps your flags tucked away while not in use. The flags could potentially be pulled out while rolling around in my backpack. Lastly, these post-it/highlighter/pens are not as sleek as their post-it highlighter predecessor. While I may appreciate the sparkles, it screams pre-teen adolescent girl, and 12 year olds have no use for post-it flags or highlighters. 3M should have designed the pen with law students in mind. This is sure to be the next hot give away item at job fairs (since most law students don't buy their office supplies and this is an opportunity to scoop up 3 different supplies at once), but all those sparkles will distract from law firm logos.

My Ideal Saturday

After a heinously stressful week I was extremely blessed by a fabulous weekend. I went to La Madeleine, one of my favorite DC area cafes, conveniently located just blocks away from my hotel. Though I don't intend to give a full commentary on the food, I will say that I reluctantly passed up a chocolate almond croissant because I was craving something savory. While I very much enjoyed my Florentine Quiche and thought that it provided a great balance to my latte, I still bought a croissant as I left so I could enjoy it later (which I did!).

This brings me to my second favorite part of my morning (note: coffee and food = first favorite part), my trashy chick-lit book. It's the sort of book that as a law student I probably shouldn't be reading (The Economist or The Bluebook would be more appropriate leisure reading). I'm fairly certain - make that definitely certain - that reading this sort of book kills brain cells, but none the less it goes well with a cup of coffee and occasional breaks for people watching.

I think my "like" (I'm not ready to call it love) for this sort of book started with The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and to be honest I try to keep this indulgence at a minimum. However, after finishing both books I brought with me I had no other choice but to buy another book. The book Something Borrowed, and the books that follow it in the series, came highly recommended by a great friend. Basically, I've decided that I'm totally justified in reading these books because they are about a 30 year old lawyer who hates her job in a big firm and with OCI right around the corner this book is keeping my competitive spirit in check. Be forewarned, essentially the plot of the book is the protagonist justifying her affair with her BFF's fiancé. The book is lacking in sound morals, but is entertaining and throws around legal jargon (which makes me feel smart).

While my morning of drinking coffee and reading chick-lit was not the end of my fabulous Saturday, it reminded me how much I love simple mornings with nothing to do.