Kayaking Adventure

I say this a lot, but Minnesota is amazing during the summer. After a super long, super cold, super snowy winter, all I want to do is spend all my time outdoors. Luckily I have friends and family who make that a pretty easy goal to achieve. With Christine’s hubby out of the country being a smarty-pants, and a whole day off work, Christine and I drove up to Breezy Point last Sunday to hang out with my Aunt and Uncle for the 4^th of July.

I’ve also mentioned in the past how much I admire my Aunt and Uncle. These two have had so much adventure in their life together and continue to do things in their 60’s that I’m not sure I can do now in my 20’s. Always looking for new hobbies, they recently purchased a pair of kayaks. I’ve been dying to visit them ever since I heard about this. After arriving at their house and eating a quick lunch, we packed up and set out for an afternoon of kayaking. A friend of theirs from church came along and graciously lent her double kayak to me and Christine. She also lent me an awesome purple visor. Christine opted for my Aunt’s safari hat, the logo on which read: Boomerang Express: It all comes back to Jesus. We were both fashionable and well protected from the sun.

 Note how prepared for adventure we look in this picture.

We launched into a lake that had an outlet onto Pine River. We went up stream and it was very hard work. This however is not reflected in the many pictures that were taken as they all seem to look like Christine and I were just lounging about. I assure you, there was very little only some lounging. 

We went up the river, taking a break in some shallow water to look at a beaver lodge (It was explained to me that a beaver dam stops the water to create a mini-lake, while a beaver lodge does not), and heading into some rapids. Christine and I attempted to make it through said rapids, but the current proved too strong for us, so we turned around. 

At some point as we headed up the river we lost my Uncle who stopped to do some fishing. As we went back to find him we happened upon a family who wisely used their children, rather than their engine, to get up the river (so very green of them). 

 Future parenting tip noted.

Finally, we found my Uncle and proceeded to lounge/fend off mosquitoes while the grown-ups (Christine and I are not grown-ups) fished for a bit. 

As it got to be dinner time we headed back into the lake. At this point Christine and I were tired. We decided to push through as fast as we could, just to get back onto dry land. With two people rowing fairly vigorously we were making pretty good headway. We thought we would definitely beat all the others in their single person kayaks, who obviously would not be able to keep up with us. But, no, my Aunt is Super Woman. Seriously. Every time we’d turn around she would only be yards away no matter how fast we rowed. She amazes me.

 Speck on the right: me and Christine. Speck on the left: Super Woman.

Once we had all made it onto shore we loaded up and headed home. The next day Christine and I were completely useless. Several hours of kayaking amounted to a very lazy following day, even after getting a solid eight hours of sleep. That’s not to say the day was wasted, but more on that in another post. As Christine and I hobbled out to breakfast the next morning, my Aunt, who had obviously been up for some time preparing food for us all, asked us if we wanted to go kayaking again that day. Since we were exhausted, we declined. I have no idea where she gets her energy, like I said, my Aunt is Super Woman. 

Hello Again!

I've realized something recently. I miss writing. So, once again, I'm making a resolution to do a better job of keeping this thing updated.

To start things off, I'm going to repost something I wrote for a different blog. The women at my church have used a blog for the past year to encourage one another to "raise the bar" in our lives. Feel free to check it out. Here is the link to my post, and for convenience sake, I've copy and pasted it below.

...

Since being challenged to raise the bar, I have seen God give me a series of tangible, concrete “things” to do. As I saw each of these "things" come to a close, I believed I had successfully raised the bar. I was ready to move on, but I am now realizing how connected these "things" are and how yet again God is challenging me to raise the bar in a new way.

This summer, I was at a point in my life where I felt like I was standing on a ledge with a big, wide black space in front of me. I had graduated from law school without any prospects for a long-term job. I was torn between staying in Minnesota or moving back to California where I grew up. I wanted to stay in Minnesota (yes, I know it is cold here), but as time wore on and no jobs were surfacing it did not seem financially feasible. Not to mention the fact that all of my job concerns would be moot if I didn’t pass the big, ugly Bar (legal bar, not metaphorical spiritual challenge bar) I had hanging over my head.

In all of this I was oddly at peace. I was in a place where I was fine for the present, but had to rely deeply on God to provide for the future, even in the face of the future not being what I wanted it to be. I realized I really needed to submit to what God had planned for me. I had to trust that whatever He had in store for me was under the protection of a Good God. I remember one night just praying that God would help me let go of Minnesota if I wasn’t going to end up here. A peace washed over me and, though it sounds cheesy, at that point, even though I still wanted to stay in Minnesota, I was able to see the possible good in going back to California (moving back in with the parents and all). Two days later I was hired as an attorney here in Minnesota. Problem solved. God provided. Bar raised. Check.

Next, I felt God telling me to raise the bar by setting down roots in Minnesota, in my life, in relationships, and at Hope. I took several risks, trusting that by moving forward God would grow the relationships I was entering into and provide the community I needed to make Minnesota feel like home. I found roommates who I hoped would be a source of good community. I started dating someone. I got a dog. I became a member at Hope. I joined a small group and became a mentor. I did everything I could think of to set down roots. Once again, bar raised.

Then, more recently, I realized that while I had been challenged to raise the bar in the ways mentioned above, the results weren’t all what I thought they would be. My life didn’t magically snap into place.

Despite efforts to get to know my roommates, they are largely MIA, so I basically live alone. The transition into my new role at work is negatively affecting relationships with co-workers that I thought were pretty solid. The dating thing fizzled out without ever becoming much to speak of. Though I am more intentionally involved at church, I still struggle with the work that goes into developing actual relationships with people. Oh, and then my dog died. I know, it seems kind of harsh, written out like that, but that’s exactly how it felt—harsh. I was frustrated. I had taken all the steps, done everything I could to be obedient to the things God was calling me to.

I am employed, have a roof over my head, growing friendships, and a relatively comfortable life, but nothing was turning out the way I thought it would. I realized I was starting to feel resentful. Not an angry resentment, more like a curious resentment. Hadn’t I raised the bar? I had been obedient, so where were my results?

Then it hit me. God is enough. All of these things happening in my life were ways God had “come through.” God had totally provided! I’m happy with my job. While I don’t like living alone, my living situation is comfortable. I feel like I’m making some really great new friendships at church. And yet, none of that stuff is ever going fulfill me. That is something only God can do. By focusing on how satisfied I am by my circumstances, I am worshiping the things God has provided rather than simply worshiping God.

So where does that leave me now? In all honesty, I’m not there yet. I am still struggling not to evaluate my relationship with God based on the results I see. When I feel dissatisfied I’m trying to remind myself through prayer and scripture that God really is enough. Lamentations 3:22-24 has been a huge encouragement in this process: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

Snow Day

I think I've fooled myself into believing that I've acclimated to this whole winter thing (PUN!), today I was smacked back to California with a serious dose of reality. On my way to class as I pulled out of my drive way, I was distracted by the semi-broken garage door. I hadn't turned as sharply as I needed to, but figured I'd still be able to make it out onto the street. I continued to reverse and got stuck, pulled forward and got stuck, and tried to reverse only to realize I was stuck, REALLY STUCK! I had backed over a mound of ice (see, when the temperature stays below freezing for months at a time what looks like pretty mounds of snow is really rock solid ice dusted with snow) and I wasn't going anywhere. I think the standard protocol in this sort of situation is to give the car a push, but neither of my roommates was home so I started digging/hacking away. I spent over an hour trying to get my car unstuck before my neighbor graciously pitched in with some more digging, clever use of a card board box, and a few big pushes.

In the midst of the digging I kept wavering between breaking down in tears and laughing. It was one of those moments where I was both wishing my dad was there (he fixes things like this) and being oddly proud that I was a grown up who was going to get herself out of this mess. It might have been a coming of age moment. I chose to laugh, waited to call my dad until after the ordeal was over, and decided this wasn't going to ruin my day.

By the time I was out I had practically missed all of class so I pulled my car back into the garage and proclaimed a Snow Day! I had coffee with a friend, wore sweats most of the day, lazed around the house, and went to a movie with some friends followed by sushi and beer. I really needed a day off, so despite the hassle, I think this morning was a blessing.

Be Still

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14

School has started again, though I'm not sure that I've really started school quite yet. Still don't have the books I ordered on line, though hopefully they will be awaiting me when I go home this evening. Haven't read for this week (for obvious reasons). I have a million meetings scheduled, but haven't attended any yet. The busyness of it all is kind of overwhelming, but still removed, sort of looming in front of me.

Also looming out there is the fact that this is my last year of school EVER. There is a certain amount of excitement that comes with finally reaching my educational goals, but I am definitely nervous about the fact that I don't have a job yet. That I don't know where I'm going to live next year. That I don't know where I should take the bar. That I'm comfortable in Minnesota and I don't want to leave, but might not have a choice. That I have no idea what the next step is.

So, here I am. Feeling like I'm standing on a ledge with a lot of nothing in front of me and for whatever reasons, feeling very pessimistic about the whole thing. Yet, I know God is there. So often in my life His plans tend to unfold in the eleventh hour. A friend actually pointed this out to me and admonished that perhaps (read: most definitely) God is trying to teach me to rely on Him...over and over and over and over. I will plan if given the opportunity. I tend to live my life in such a way that basically says, "Hey God, how about I plan all this out and You make it happen. Sound good?" So when I can't plan, I'm "forced" to rely on whatever God is doing and I'm reminded, that though it is not in my nature, this is probably part of the sanctification God desires for me.

Tuesday morning before school I came across the verse at the beginning of this post. As I read, I just kept coming back to it and was reminded of this verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

I love this verse and try to focus on it when life is getting busy, but I've always associated it with peaceful imagery; waterfalls, warm sun, soft breezes, that sort of thing. I love how the passage in Exodus tells the people to be still as they stared at a huge army ready to take them out. I was also somewhat surprised to read the rest of Psalm 46 and find that the passage preceding this one also uses some battle imagery, because in all honesty, that's where I feel like I'm at right now. What does it mean to be still? I'm pretty sure it has something to do with prioritizing. Recognizing who God is and who I am (or rather, who I am not). Trusting that despite how I feel, God is there and in control. Learning to let go of the "what ifs" and wait. For now, I am praying God will teach me to be still and that He would take care of all those "Egyptians" I'm worried about.

I leave you with this gem from one of my favorites, the Newsboys.

Be Still

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

we've been running without a direction
we're afraid to get there late
what we need is strength just to kneel down
and wait

Humidness

I knew I wasn't making up those childhood memories of crazy hot humid summer days in Minnesota.

Rain

Molly: Hey roommie, wanna walk 1 and a 1/2 miles to get ice cream cones?

Roommie: Sure.

Random Dad at Dairy Queen Talking to his Kids: Hurry up and eat your ice cream, it's going to rain.

Molly: Think it's going to rain?

Roommie: Nah. Look there's a patch of blue sky coming toward us.

Random Dad: It's going to rain.

* About 1/4 of the way home.*

Roommie: Uh-oh.

Molly: I guess wearing this white shirt was a bad idea.

P.S. Dons this would make a good comic. I promise.

Vacay!

Tonight I'm driving "up North" to "the lake" to spend the week with my Aunt, Uncle, their kids, and their grandkids. I'm driving up kind of late and my Aunt told me to watch out for deer. So now I'm freaking out. How does one watch out for deer? It seems like one of those things where if a deer is going to run out into the middle of the road you're going to hit it. The end. I don't really see how watching out is going to help much. Maybe watching out means stress and be paranoid, in that case I'm totally watching out.

Why Didn't I take Pictures?

Tonight me and the other law school Molly fulfilled our semester long dream of hosting a hot dish party. I made tater-tot hot dish using a recipe from the Minnesota Winter Festival's Hot Dish Tent and other Molly made a hot dish from what is becoming one of my favorite cookbooks, Hot Dish Heaven. Hot Dish Heaven was written by Ann Burckhardt, which is only funny because there is a prof at law school whose name is Ann Burkhart and she would totally be the type to make hot dish. She recently auctioned off her help with drafting a will for a school fundraiser, which I did not bid on. However, if she had auctioned off a night of hot dish making I totally would have bid on her. I digress. Molly and I asked people to bring either bars or a salad as defined by Minnesotans (In Minnesota a salad is pretty much any mixture of ingredients served cold. See Frog Eye Salad, Seven Layer Salad, Broccoli Salad.) While I am very grateful for those who brought food, they did not so much catch the vision Molly and I had. We got one real salad, several non-bar desserts, and orange juice. Still, hot dish night was definitely a success, I only wish that I had taken pictures.

Whoa!

Sometimes I have these moments where it hits me that I am in Minnesota, thousands of miles away from beaches (the good kind), sunshine, and my childhood "life." It's weird because Minnesota has never been a strange place to me. I spent a lot of time here on family vacays, my extended family has always been here, and it is where I was born. Even though I've been here for over a year and a half now, I'm still caught off guard sometimes by the fact that I'm not on vacation and that this place is actually starting to feel like home. I can picture myself living here after law school, like settling down here. It's weird, but good.

Since high school I've been thinking about my life in chunks -- this is where I was, this is where I am, and this is where I'm going. It's odd to get to the point in my life where I have to make some more permanent decisions. I'm still not ready to commit to any one place...side track: wow, I just had an epiphany. Is it weird that I don't want commit to living anywhere yet? I feel like most people I know have a general idea of where they want to end up. Might need more time to fully process the implications of that...* Not knowing where I'm going to end up is kind of frustrating and doesn't really jive with the whole plan-it-all-in-advance part of my personality. Yet, I'm sort of getting the impression that God is using this to encourage (and by encourage I mean force) me to rely on him.

* Dave/Randi - insert comment here.