Dear Jesus,

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for summer and nights when it's just beginning to get dark at 9pm and warmth and stars. Thank you for worship and peace and joy. Thank you for prayer and listening. Thank you for your Spirit, for your healing. God, thank you for your grace, for loving me and teaching me to extend grace to myself.

Chair Races

In the last 4 days I have taken 3 finals. Luckily I have almost a whole week before my next one and then it's summer! I whine about how stressful law school is a lot, so rather than focusing on that I have a story about how law school can be awesome... even during finals.

Law school has turned me into an old person and generally speaking I prefer to be in my bed by 10pm and asleep by 11pm on weeknights. Law school is the last place I want to be at midnight, and yet that's exactly where I was on Tuesday night. Luckily I was not there studying or citechecking (THANK GOODNESS). Christine and I showed up to watch several of our friends make fools of themselves and disrupt the entire library during finals in the middle of the night (and I thought I was being a rebel by wearing my flipflops). An epic rolly-chair race from one corner of the library to the other and back. Awesomeness...

Easter

This is a post from my old xanga that I thought I'd repost in part today. I wrote it during Spring break of my Junior year while visiting Emily in Paris. Below is the painting the post is about. For reference, the painting depicts John 20:1-9.


Although it sounds like I've just been goofing around for most of this trip, it's also been very "spiritual" (or whatever you wanna call it). This being Europe and all, we've managed to hit up several of the major Cathedrals and museums. It's been cool to see how each one teaches me a little something more about the gospel. I could probably write a really long entry about each of them, but that would probably be excessive (if you wanna know about the other places ask me). Instead I'll just tell you about my most recent moment at the Musee d'Orsay. There are a ton of famous impressionist works there, but I was struck by a random painting some where in the middle of an exhibit on the second floor. I can't remember who painted it or what the French title was, even though I went back to look just so I'd remember for this entry. Anyway it was a painting by some guy whose name starts with a B, of Peter and John as they were running to the tomb to see if Jesus was really gone. It was an amazing and yet simple picture. It was close, just of their upper bodies. I think what made me cry when I looked at them were their expressions. They looked excited, hurried, worried, and relieved at the same time. I was left imagining what it might have been like for the disciples to hear that Jesus was not in the tomb. Their fear that some one had stolen His body. The thrill of the thought that their best friend was really coming back to them. Jesus promised to return, but the disciples were not always the quickest of fellows. I wonder if when they finally figured it out, all of their memories of Jesus saying odd things about coming back on the third day came flooding back and clicked into place. Christ had conquered death, but even more, their best friend was back. How often do I run to Jesus with that same enthusiasm? Does my relationship with Him reflect that same amount of passion, fear, love, and expectancy? I have a God who died for me, how amazing is that? And in addition to that, He wants a relationship; He knows me and wants me to know Him in the same way. I want to run to him like Peter and John did.

Good Friday

Yesterday was a good Friday. The Good Friday service at church opened with the worship team playing Sufjan's Abraham.

Abraham, worth a righteous one
Take up on the wood
Put it on your son
Lake or lamb
There is none to harm
When the angel came
You had raised your arm

Abraham, put off on your son
Take instead the ram
Until Jesus comes

I love this song. I love this story. I love God's foreshadowing.

It's hard to internalize the significance of Christ's death, to reconcile God's justice and His grace. In some ways Abraham's story is more relatable. It's easier to look at the story and understand how hard it would be for a father to kill his son when his son did not deserve it. While Christ's death is certainly a horrific image, Abraham's story sheds light on looking at it through the lens of Jesus and God's relationship.

I think that some times I forget about Jesus' humanity, that just before His arrest He prayed for an out and appealed to God calling Him Abba, Father. I think about salvation and the crucifixion in a sort of removed way that allows me to discount the sacrifice and suffering involved. I ignore the pain that Jesus and God must have suffered when they were separated because it's easier on my pride. Some how it makes me feel like I need God less, a total lie. I realize that in doing this I'm missing out on understanding how much God loves me. I'm grateful for the moments when I wake up from those lies. Right now I feel loved.

Top10...err 11 Spring Break Moments!

These aren't in any specific order.

1. It was almost 60 degrees out on both Sunday and Monday. It was so nice all the snow melted, I went home early from work, and I ran like 3 days in a row.
2. As a result of 1. I got to dig my rainbows out from the back of my closet and wore them at least 5 times (sadly with the current weather they have been returned to the closet).
3. I went to Michael Jordan's house near Chicago and got yelled at through the intercome. I'm pretty sure it was actually Michael Jordan...or at least that's the story I'm sticking to (we actually just saw the gate). This is just one of the amazing things I got to do on my first ever trip to Chicago.
4. I got to spend over 12 hours in a car with Christine. We haven't had nearly enough time to hang out this semester and had lots of catching up to do. We never turned on the radio and didn't even need a no-pressure-to-talk rule, one of the many things I love about Christine.
5. I had 2 Slurpees! There are no 7-Elevens in Minnesota, which makes me sad. Icees and Slurpees are not the same thing. When I noticed a 7-Eleven on the way to Christine's I literally freaked out. Maybe a little bit of an overreaction, but I was excited.
6. I caught up on Professional Responsibility. I had only read for two classes before spring break. Catching up is a feat to be proud of and I got to do it at my favorite bou, awesomeness.
7. I got to see Lake Michigan. I had this vision that we would listen to Sufjan's To Be Alone with You as the lake came into view. Sadly, Josh is lacking in his Sufjan music collection, but I sang the song in my head, so it's okay.
8. Lisa Chu made me (and a bunch of her friends) Pad Thai from scratch. Freakin' delish!
9. Christine and I got manicures. I painted my nails dark purple. Totallyout of character for me, but I was in a trendy mood. This was one of the many awesome things we got to do in her way cute home time. I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with her and her family.
10. We went across this weird bridge in Chicago that was designed by this guy who also designed a really ugly building on the U of M campus. This was mostly exciting because I thought it would be fun to slide down the side of the bridge. Didn't do it, but should have.
11. OMG! I almost forgot. Lisa Chu and Christine met, and the world did not implode. They are each other's doppleganger (I'm a nerd). I built this up a lot and as a result I worry that it was not as fulfilling for them as it was for me. Awesome!

I'm on Spriiiing Break!

Right now it's 55 degrees outside. In Berkeley this would be when people would start busting out their pea coats (has anyone ever noticed that everyone in Berkeley owns a pea coat?), but in MN it gets this warm and everyone immediately runs outside to rejoice after a long cold winter. It's so nice to see people outside. I watched at least 5 people with strollers cautiously navigate a patch of melting ice in front of my house this afternoon. I left my coat at home today and wore flip flops. Flip flops = happiness.

This weather is particularly awesome because this is the first weekend of spring break...and it feels like spring! I have high hopes for this week. I finished my law review obligations on Thursday. TORT was last weekend. I cleaned my room yesterday (after like several months of neglect...). I'm finally reading for PR after not even touching my text book for weeks. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to slow down, to rest, to catch up on life, and do some processing. I'm having one of those, "wow I'm so freaking blessed" days. God is so good and I hate that I don't readily recognize that more often.

Whoa!

Sometimes I have these moments where it hits me that I am in Minnesota, thousands of miles away from beaches (the good kind), sunshine, and my childhood "life." It's weird because Minnesota has never been a strange place to me. I spent a lot of time here on family vacays, my extended family has always been here, and it is where I was born. Even though I've been here for over a year and a half now, I'm still caught off guard sometimes by the fact that I'm not on vacation and that this place is actually starting to feel like home. I can picture myself living here after law school, like settling down here. It's weird, but good.

Since high school I've been thinking about my life in chunks -- this is where I was, this is where I am, and this is where I'm going. It's odd to get to the point in my life where I have to make some more permanent decisions. I'm still not ready to commit to any one place...side track: wow, I just had an epiphany. Is it weird that I don't want commit to living anywhere yet? I feel like most people I know have a general idea of where they want to end up. Might need more time to fully process the implications of that...* Not knowing where I'm going to end up is kind of frustrating and doesn't really jive with the whole plan-it-all-in-advance part of my personality. Yet, I'm sort of getting the impression that God is using this to encourage (and by encourage I mean force) me to rely on him.

* Dave/Randi - insert comment here.