My life, my thoughts, and my heart...

Stress

2011-08-29T20:14:00.000-05:00

So I read this post on Her.meneutics (a Christianity Today blog directed toward women) today about over committed and stressed out college students turning Adderoll. As a recently graduated law student I am intimately aware of the pressure to do and be committed to too much as a college and/or graduate student. However, I cringe at the solution offered here that these students should simply be taught (and expected) to commit to less. After practicing the Sabbath throughout my time as an undergraduate and into the first year of law school, I realized that it just wasn’t practicable any more. Academic demands had increased, I needed to work both for the experience and the financial reasons, I wanted to take time to serve in my church in order to develop community and fellowship there, and yes, I wanted to do fun stuff on occasion which sometimes resulted in me working on Sundays. While taking the Sabbath was a great form of spiritual discipline, it just pushed activities and stress to other times of my week.

College students seem to have more discretionary time at their disposal than any other group of people (something I would have wholeheartedly denied as a college student, but see differently now). This doesn't undermine the fact that students are stressed, there is pressure to fill all of that free time with various activities and commitments. The hard thing is that college kids want do to it all, or at least I did anyway. Instead of telling them to say no (because they won’t), I think the Church, Christian colleges, and even secular schools need to offer better resources for dealing with stress and heavy workloads so that students don’t turn to unhealthy behaviors like using Adderall. In a systemic sense I think the availability and destigmatization (<-- not a word, but this is my blog so I get to make up words) of mental health services is imperative, but beyond that as Christians we have something else to offer.

We need to remember and remind each other that we are defined by Christ. Our worth comes solely from God and our value is not earned, but given to us out of grace. Truly understanding and believing this has huge ramifications for how we experience success and prioritize our lives. This does not necessarily solve the problem of feeling over whelmed or over committed at times, but it completely changes what we turn to in those times. This is not a quick and easy solution. Instead it is a continual process of sanctification and the Church has an opportunity to help students grow in their understanding of this.

In my experience, mentorship by godly spiritually mature women was (and is) an invaluable resource for self-reflection and spiritual growth. These women have continually been a source of encouragement and a dose of reality for me. Both as an undergraduate and a graduate student I lived far from my parents and the normal day to day life I grew up in. Both in Berkeley and here in Minnesota I have had a families from church opened their homes to me on a weekly basis. I didn't feel like a guest in their home, but I mean that in the best way possible. I just felt like I was at home, except these homes had little kids who wanted to throw darts, play dress up, or watch a movie with me and they weren't always on their best behavior. The point is that they reminded me that there was more to life than my busy college world and gave me a sense of normalcy among the chaos. I also had a strong community of friends who were dealing with the same stresses I was and were plugged into similar support networks. We related to each other and were able to be real with each other. They provided me with accountability as well as an outlet for some of my stress. In the context of these communities, I was reminded daily that my hope is in Christ and that even in the midst of stress and feeling like I am drowning I am loved.

Sure, I could have said no to more stuff and I might have been less stressed, but stress is inevitable no matter what you do (right?). What kept me afloat was the community I was surrounded by continually reminding me of my identity in Christ.

P.S. Sorry there is so much churchy jargon in this post. Hopefully the point still gets across.

Things I love...

2011-07-10T20:08:00.000-05:00

Getting emails in all caps from family members who don't know any better, celebrating safe travels and answered prayers.

Kayaking Adventure

2011-07-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

I say this a lot, but Minnesota is amazing during the summer. After a super long, super cold, super snowy winter, all I want to do is spend all my time outdoors. Luckily I have friends and family who make that a pretty easy goal to achieve. With Christine’s hubby out of the country being a smarty-pants, and a whole day off work, Christine and I drove up to Breezy Point last Sunday to hang out with my Aunt and Uncle for the 4^th of July.

I’ve also mentioned in the past how much I admire my Aunt and Uncle. These two have had so much adventure in their life together and continue to do things in their 60’s that I’m not sure I can do now in my 20’s. Always looking for new hobbies, they recently purchased a pair of kayaks. I’ve been dying to visit them ever since I heard about this. After arriving at their house and eating a quick lunch, we packed up and set out for an afternoon of kayaking. A friend of theirs from church came along and graciously lent her double kayak to me and Christine. She also lent me an awesome purple visor. Christine opted for my Aunt’s safari hat, the logo on which read: Boomerang Express: It all comes back to Jesus. We were both fashionable and well protected from the sun.

Note how prepared for adventure we look in this picture.

We launched into a lake that had an outlet onto Pine River. We went up stream and it was very hard work. This however is not reflected in the many pictures that were taken as they all seem to look like Christine and I were just lounging about. I assure you, there was ~~very little~~ only some lounging.

We went up the river, taking a break in some shallow water to look at a beaver lodge (It was explained to me that a beaver dam stops the water to create a mini-lake, while a beaver lodge does not), and heading into some rapids. Christine and I attempted to make it through said rapids, but the current proved too strong for us, so we turned around.

At some point as we headed up the river we lost my Uncle who stopped to do some fishing. As we went back to find him we happened upon a family who wisely used their children, rather than their engine, to get up the river (so very green of them).

Future parenting tip noted.

Finally, we found my Uncle and proceeded to lounge/fend off mosquitoes while the grown-ups (Christine and I are not grown-ups) fished for a bit.

As it got to be dinner time we headed back into the lake. At this point Christine and I were tired. We decided to push through as fast as we could, just to get back onto dry land. With two people rowing fairly vigorously we were making pretty good headway. We thought we would definitely beat all the others in their single person kayaks, who obviously would not be able to keep up with us. But, no, my Aunt is Super Woman. Seriously. Every time we’d turn around she would only be yards away no matter how fast we rowed. She amazes me.

Speck on the right: me and Christine. Speck on the left: Super Woman.

Once we had all made it onto shore we loaded up and headed home. The next day Christine and I were completely useless. Several hours of kayaking amounted to a very lazy following day, even after getting a solid eight hours of sleep. That’s not to say the day was wasted, but more on that in another post. As Christine and I hobbled out to breakfast the next morning, my Aunt, who had obviously been up for some time preparing food for us all, asked us if we wanted to go kayaking again that day. Since we were exhausted, we declined. I have no idea where she gets her energy, like I said, my Aunt is Super Woman.

Hello Again!

2011-05-26T22:17:00.002-05:00

I've realized something recently. I miss writing. So, once again, I'm making a resolution to do a better job of keeping this thing updated.

To start things off, I'm going to repost something I wrote for a different blog. The women at my church have used a blog for the past year to encourage one another to "raise the bar" in our lives. Feel free to check it out. Here is the link to my post, and for convenience sake, I've copy and pasted it below.

...

Since being challenged to raise the bar, I have seen God give me a series of tangible, concrete “things” to do. As I saw each of these "things" come to a close, I believed I had successfully raised the bar. I was ready to move on, but I am now realizing how connected these "things" are and how yet again God is challenging me to raise the bar in a new way.

This summer, I was at a point in my life where I felt like I was standing on a ledge with a big, wide black space in front of me. I had graduated from law school without any prospects for a long-term job. I was torn between staying in Minnesota or moving back to California where I grew up. I wanted to stay in Minnesota (yes, I know it is cold here), but as time wore on and no jobs were surfacing it did not seem financially feasible. Not to mention the fact that all of my job concerns would be moot if I didn’t pass the big, ugly Bar (legal bar, not metaphorical spiritual challenge bar) I had hanging over my head.

In all of this I was oddly at peace. I was in a place where I was fine for the present, but had to rely deeply on God to provide for the future, even in the face of the future not being what I wanted it to be. I realized I really needed to submit to what God had planned for me. I had to trust that whatever He had in store for me was under the protection of a Good God. I remember one night just praying that God would help me let go of Minnesota if I wasn’t going to end up here. A peace washed over me and, though it sounds cheesy, at that point, even though I still wanted to stay in Minnesota, I was able to see the possible good in going back to California (moving back in with the parents and all). Two days later I was hired as an attorney here in Minnesota. Problem solved. God provided. Bar raised. Check.

Next, I felt God telling me to raise the bar by setting down roots in Minnesota, in my life, in relationships, and at Hope. I took several risks, trusting that by moving forward God would grow the relationships I was entering into and provide the community I needed to make Minnesota feel like home. I found roommates who I hoped would be a source of good community. I started dating someone. I got a dog. I became a member at Hope. I joined a small group and became a mentor. I did everything I could think of to set down roots. Once again, bar raised.

Then, more recently, I realized that while I had been challenged to raise the bar in the ways mentioned above, the results weren’t all what I thought they would be. My life didn’t magically snap into place.

Despite efforts to get to know my roommates, they are largely MIA, so I basically live alone. The transition into my new role at work is negatively affecting relationships with co-workers that I thought were pretty solid. The dating thing fizzled out without ever becoming much to speak of. Though I am more intentionally involved at church, I still struggle with the work that goes into developing actual relationships with people. Oh, and then my dog died. I know, it seems kind of harsh, written out like that, but that’s exactly how it felt—harsh. I was frustrated. I had taken all the steps, done everything I could to be obedient to the things God was calling me to.

I am employed, have a roof over my head, growing friendships, and a relatively comfortable life, but nothing was turning out the way I thought it would. I realized I was starting to feel resentful. Not an angry resentment, more like a curious resentment. Hadn’t I raised the bar? I had been obedient, so where were my results?

Then it hit me. God is enough. All of these things happening in my life were ways God had “come through.” God had totally provided! I’m happy with my job. While I don’t like living alone, my living situation is comfortable. I feel like I’m making some really great new friendships at church. And yet, none of that stuff is ever going fulfill me. That is something only God can do. By focusing on how satisfied I am by my circumstances, I am worshiping the things God has provided rather than simply worshiping God.

So where does that leave me now? In all honesty, I’m not there yet. I am still struggling not to evaluate my relationship with God based on the results I see. When I feel dissatisfied I’m trying to remind myself through prayer and scripture that God really is enough. Lamentations 3:22-24 has been a huge encouragement in this process: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

Perfect Day

2010-08-01T00:30:00.003-05:00

Today was the perfect day. An afternoon spent at the beach. I read an entire book from start to finish, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It was the sort of book that's is so witty and well written, it makes you want to go home and write in the blog you've neglected for 8 mos. I jumped in the freezing cold waves and avoided patches of seaweed as it either floated by in the current or was thrown at me by my Dad. I buried my toes in soft sand (nothing like that weird rocky stuff at the lake). Even though I love MN, there was a moment today when I reconsidered my long term plans. I've spent that last two and a half months looking forward to this day and it met all my expectations. I am so incredibly blessed.

What a Tart.

2010-04-17T10:37:00.003-05:00

Hi, I'm Molly. Remember me? Yeah, I didn't think so. Winter is over. I have survived and I am coming out of hibernation. Spring, it seems, does a lot to get my creative juices flowing. Never mind the fact that it hasn't done anything to help me write that darn cover letter I've been working on for the last week . . . it inspires me to do things like make a TART!

Over spring break I went to visit my aunt and uncle in northern Minnesota. The ice was just starting to thaw and my aunt and uncle had discovered patches of wild cranberries left over from the fall, but safely preserved through the winter by snow, in marshes near their house. I borrowed my uncles giant rubber boots and my aunt and I went cranberry hunting. Though the cranberry picking adventure was fun, I was dumbfounded when it came to deciding what to do with the jar of cranberry preserves I was sent home with. And so, the cranberry preserves have sat in my kitchen untouched for the last several weeks. I guiltily dodged questions from my aunt on Easter asking me if I was enjoying the preserves.

This tart recipe was an answer to my prayers! I won't bore you with the details of my baking travails, but I will warn you that almond extract does NOT taste as good as it smells right out of the bottle. It does, however, taste delicious in a crunchy crust alongside cornmeal and gobs of butter. This tart may also be the prettiest thing I've ever baked. It certainly enhanced a lovely Saturday morning coupled with sunshine, a cup of coffee, homemade whipped cream, and a good book.

Easy Jam Tart
Adapted from Ready for Dessert and Smitten Kitchen

Like SK, I used a food processor rather than a stand mixer (I would recommend it). I also replaced store bought jam with homemade preserves. I had to put off making this recipe for a whole week because I didn't have cornmeal. I toyed briefly with the prospect of using the food processor to grind corn chips (which was actually suggested by one website), but held out for the real thing. Other websites I looked at suggested throwing polenta in a food processor before using it because apparently it is not a finely ground as cornmeal.

1 1/2 cups (210 grams) all-purpose flour
1/2 cup (70 grams) stone-ground cornmeal or polenta
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
9 tablespoons (4 1/2 ounces or 130 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar
1 large egg, whole
1 large egg, separated
1/8 teaspoon almond extract
1 1/3 to 1 3/4 cups (450 grams) jam (see Note above; I used the smaller amount) or marmalade
2 tablespoons (30 grams) coarse-crystal or granulated sugar

In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, cornmeal, baking powder and salt. In a stand mixer with the paddle attachment or in a food processor, mix the butter and 1/2 cup (100 grams) sugar together until smooth. Add the egg, egg yolk (keep the egg white from the second egg on hand for later) and almond extract and beat until combined. Gradually add the flour mixture and mix until the dough just comes together.

Transfer about one-third of the dough to a lightly floured counter and shape it into a log about 2 inches (5 cm) in diameter. Wrap it in plastic wrap and refrigerate it until needed. (As always, I was in a rush and put this in the freezer.)

Transfer the remaining dough to a buttered 9-inch (23-cm) tart pan with a removable bottom of a 9-inch (23-cm) springform pan. Using your hands, press the dough evenly into the bottom. If using a tart pan, press the dough up the sides to the rim of the pan and set the tart pan on a baking sheet. If using a springform pan, press the dough about 3/4-inch (2-cm) up the sides of the pan. Refrigerate the dough-lined pan until firm, at least one hour. (Again, I used the freezer and it was firm in 30 minutes. I am impatient.)

Preheat the oven to 375°F (190°C). Spread the jam or marmalade evenly over the dough in the pan. Cut the chilled dough into very thin discs with a sharp paring knife. Arrange them slightly overlapped in concentric circles over the jam to form a top crust. Whisk the remaining egg white with a teaspoon of water until frothy; brush evenly over the tart lid and then sprinkle with 2 tablespoons (30 grams) coarse sugar. Bake until the top crust is golden brown, about 25 minutes. Let cool completely.

Snow Day

2010-02-05T20:52:00.005-06:00

I think I've fooled myself into believing that I've acclimated to this whole winter thing (PUN!), today I was smacked back to California with a serious dose of reality. On my way to class as I pulled out of my drive way, I was distracted by the semi-broken garage door. I hadn't turned as sharply as I needed to, but figured I'd still be able to make it out onto the street. I continued to reverse and got stuck, pulled forward and got stuck, and tried to reverse only to realize I was stuck, REALLY STUCK! I had backed over a mound of ice (see, when the temperature stays below freezing for months at a time what looks like pretty mounds of snow is really rock solid ice dusted with snow) and I wasn't going anywhere. I think the standard protocol in this sort of situation is to give the car a push, but neither of my roommates was home so I started digging/hacking away. I spent over an hour trying to get my car unstuck before my neighbor graciously pitched in with some more digging, clever use of a card board box, and a few big pushes.

In the midst of the digging I kept wavering between breaking down in tears and laughing. It was one of those moments where I was both wishing my dad was there (he fixes things like this) and being oddly proud that I was a grown up who was going to get herself out of this mess. It might have been a coming of age moment. I chose to laugh, waited to call my dad until after the ordeal was over, and decided this wasn't going to ruin my day.

By the time I was out I had practically missed all of class so I pulled my car back into the garage and proclaimed a Snow Day! I had coffee with a friend, wore sweats most of the day, lazed around the house, and went to a movie with some friends followed by sushi and beer. I really needed a day off, so despite the hassle, I think this morning was a blessing.

Home for Christmas

2009-12-17T15:21:00.003-06:00

I realize it's been ages since I've posted anything. It's not even for lack of worthy content. It's mostly because I lack the motivation and/or time. That said, this may not be the best topic for my comeback post, but I just finished my Wills and Trusts outline and I'm in desperate need of a finals break. What better way to take a mental break from finals than to think about the post-finals awesomeness that awaits me? Sure I have some amazing plans for when I get to CA in less than a week (but I'm not going to talk about them), but hopefully most of those plans will be couched in eating everything I've been missing for the last YEAR. Hear that people, I haven't been in CA for an entire year! That is far too long to deprive oneself from both the friends I miss and the following culinary delights:

1. Baker's - Other than the fact that it is the place where I grew up, Baker's maybe the best reason to visit the I.E..
2. Earl Grey Tea Latte from Coffee Bean Tea Leaf
3. Avogobble (avocado and turkey sando) - and anything else with avocado I can get my hands on.
4. In-N-Out
5. Islands - Though it hasn't been discussed, I assume this restaurant will make it's appearance on my New Year's trip up to NorCal.
6. Del Taco - Chicken Soft Taco, fries, and a Cherry Coke please!
7. Rosies - Greatest burritos eva!
8. Mom's ribs - It's kind of ironic, my mom's cooking is definitely of the Midwestern variety (meat + potato + vegetable + crock pot = meal), but I can only get it in CA.
9. Mom's potroast
10. Sunday Steak - Being able to barbecue year around is not a luxury I'm afforded in MN (or ever considering I don't know how to do it). I love going home where almost every Sunday my Dad and/or Bro grills.
11. Cheeseboard - Dare I dream. Sadly, I'm not sure I'll make it to Berkeley this year and Cheeseboard tends to be closed around the holidays, but this would certainly be a New Year's week miracle! ...If I were going to Berkeley this year, this list would easily double.
12. Homemade Mexican food - preferably with sangria, made by people I love, and eaten over the course of several hours.
13. HOF's Hut - This is the post-Castle breakfast tradition that I look forward to almost as much as the night that precedes it.

Old

2009-09-30T22:19:00.003-05:00

Today at school I was surprised when I saw an undergrad riding a Razor scooter. I was even more surprised when I turned my head and saw another undergrad less than 15 feet away riding another Razor. I thought it was odd that college kids would be riding these things around campus, I mean weren't they popular way back in like 2000, and even then weren't they for little kids. Then it dawned on me. In 2000 these college freshmen were little kids and these scooters were marketed directly to them. I think I officially just joined the ranks of old people.

Be Still

2009-09-09T14:58:00.004-05:00

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14

School has started again, though I'm not sure that I've really started school quite yet. Still don't have the books I ordered on line, though hopefully they will be awaiting me when I go home this evening. Haven't read for this week (for obvious reasons). I have a million meetings scheduled, but haven't attended any yet. The busyness of it all is kind of overwhelming, but still removed, sort of looming in front of me.

Also looming out there is the fact that this is my last year of school EVER. There is a certain amount of excitement that comes with finally reaching my educational goals, but I am definitely nervous about the fact that I don't have a job yet. That I don't know where I'm going to live next year. That I don't know where I should take the bar. That I'm comfortable in Minnesota and I don't want to leave, but might not have a choice. That I have no idea what the next step is.

So, here I am. Feeling like I'm standing on a ledge with a lot of nothing in front of me and for whatever reasons, feeling very pessimistic about the whole thing. Yet, I know God is there. So often in my life His plans tend to unfold in the eleventh hour. A friend actually pointed this out to me and admonished that perhaps (read: most definitely) God is trying to teach me to rely on Him...over and over and over and over. I will plan if given the opportunity. I tend to live my life in such a way that basically says, "Hey God, how about I plan all this out and You make it happen. Sound good?" So when I can't plan, I'm "forced" to rely on whatever God is doing and I'm reminded, that though it is not in my nature, this is probably part of the sanctification God desires for me.

Tuesday morning before school I came across the verse at the beginning of this post. As I read, I just kept coming back to it and was reminded of this verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

I love this verse and try to focus on it when life is getting busy, but I've always associated it with peaceful imagery; waterfalls, warm sun, soft breezes, that sort of thing. I love how the passage in Exodus tells the people to be still as they stared at a huge army ready to take them out. I was also somewhat surprised to read the rest of Psalm 46 and find that the passage preceding this one also uses some battle imagery, because in all honesty, that's where I feel like I'm at right now. What does it mean to be still? I'm pretty sure it has something to do with prioritizing. Recognizing who God is and who I am (or rather, who I am not). Trusting that despite how I feel, God is there and in control. Learning to let go of the "what ifs" and wait. For now, I am praying God will teach me to be still and that He would take care of all those "Egyptians" I'm worried about.

I leave you with this gem from one of my favorites, the Newsboys.

Be Still

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

we've been running without a direction
we're afraid to get there late
what we need is strength just to kneel down
and wait

Humidness

2009-08-09T21:30:00.003-05:00

I knew I wasn't making up those childhood memories of crazy hot humid summer days in Minnesota.

Carmel Corn

2009-08-01T21:54:00.004-05:00

Lately I've been missing California and all the things I associate with summer in California...the beach; really hot, really dry days; barbequeing with my family; spa nights with friends etc. One summer when I lived in ADX we were obsessed with caramel corn. We seriously made it like once a week if not more. In an effort to cure some of this nostalgia (and newly enabled by my fancy stovetop popcorn popper that I got for my bday from some of my favorite people) I decided to make some caramel corn tonight. After an unsuccessful email attempt at getting the recipe we used on short notice, I did some internet searching and I'm pretty sure I found the right recipe.

It's crazy how fast time goes by, I can't believe it's been 3 summers since the caramel popcorn summer. I'm so blessed by all the people God's put in my life, but as I do more things and meet more people it's hard being away from other people that I care about.

Even if you aren't missing home and feeling nostalgic, here's a great recipe for caramel corn.

Caramel Corn

• 7 quarts plain popped popcorn
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1/2 cup light corn syrup
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup margarine
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS
1. Place the popped popcorn into two shallow greased baking pans. You may use roasting pans, jelly roll pans, or disposable roasting pans. Add the peanuts to the popped corn if using. Set aside.
2. Preheat the oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C). Combine the brown sugar, corn syrup, margarine and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring enough to blend. Once the mixture begins to boil, boil for 5 minutes while stirring constantly.
3. Remove from the heat, and stir in the baking soda and vanilla. The mixture will be light and foamy. Immediately pour over the popcorn in the pans, and stir to coat. Don't worry too much at this point about getting all of the corn coated.
4. Bake for 1 hour, removing the pans, and giving them each a good stir every 15 minutes. Line the counter top with waxed paper. Dump the corn out onto the waxed paper and separate the pieces. Allow to cool completely, then store in airtight containers or resealable bags.

Rain

2009-06-27T20:54:00.004-05:00

Molly: Hey roommie, wanna walk 1 and a 1/2 miles to get ice cream cones?

Roommie: Sure.

Random Dad at Dairy Queen Talking to his Kids: Hurry up and eat your ice cream, it's going to rain.

Molly: Think it's going to rain?

Roommie: Nah. Look there's a patch of blue sky coming toward us.

Random Dad: It's going to rain.

* About 1/4 of the way home.*

Roommie: Uh-oh.

Molly: I guess wearing this white shirt was a bad idea.

P.S. Dons this would make a good comic. I promise.

Strawberries!!!

2009-06-21T21:33:00.005-05:00

Since moving into my house last August I've been looking forward to this summer. By moving in at the end of the summer I missed an entire season of fresh strawberries grown in our backyard in a small, rather unkempt, patch.

Our little strawberry patch was struck by a tragedy in late May, when just after flowering, the man who lives in the other half of our duplex MOWED OVER THE STRAWBERRY PATCH! Luckily most of the plants along the wall survived, and though I wonder what it could have been like if we had all the plants (sigh), I'm grateful for what I have.

So, as soon as I saw this recipe for strawberries and dumplings on my favorite foodie blog I new I had to make it. After a long weekend of grading petitions, Sunday evening was the perfect time to try it out.

Note the bright green walls, the strawberry picture, and the red accents...this kitchen was made for this dish.

I only wanted to make one serving (probably more like one and a half) so I just kind of guesstimated on the proportions for everything, but basically followed the recipe from the blog. I used half normal white sugar and half brown sugar though (per the bloggers suggestion).

I also didn't have any whole milk or heavy cream, I did however have half & half (mmm coffee!). I just cut it with a little bit of water for the dumpling dough. I totally improvised for the heavy cream though, I mixed half & half with some non-fat vanilla yogurt (from TJ's :) ) and stuck it in the freezer for about 15 minutes. Delish!

I don't think words can really explain how good this was. Tart (with an added kick from the yogurt), dumpling-y, warm, gooey, goodness...yep that's it.

Freedom?

2009-06-17T21:23:00.002-05:00

Confession: I read mom blogs. Not sad depressing ones about spouses dieing and babies being sick *cough*randi*cough*, but funny and/or thoughtful ones just about raising kids in general.

So one of these mom blogs posted the other day about a somewhat non-mom thing. Apparently there's this program called Freedom that basically keeps you from connecting to your email, facebook, and other generally distracting internet things (it's only for Macs).

I don't think this sort of program sounds like "Freedom" at all. (1) Something that is restricting is not freeing... just doesn't work. (2) I experience freedom from working by checking email, going on facebook, and gchat. (3) During law school exams we use this program called ExamSoft that blocks you from doing anything on your computer, but taking your test. Finals are the furthest thing from freedom, any program that is that similar to Examsoft should not be called Freedom.

I'm not saying the program isn't worthwhile, I just think it's a bad name. Basically I've concluded this program should be called "Get Work Done."

Vacay!

2009-06-08T14:07:00.002-05:00

Tonight I'm driving "up North" to "the lake" to spend the week with my Aunt, Uncle, their kids, and their grandkids. I'm driving up kind of late and my Aunt told me to watch out for deer. So now I'm freaking out. How does one watch out for deer? It seems like one of those things where if a deer is going to run out into the middle of the road you're going to hit it. The end. I don't really see how watching out is going to help much. Maybe watching out means stress and be paranoid, in that case I'm totally watching out.

Shark Boy

2009-06-05T22:42:00.003-05:00

I picked up a job this summer teaching swimming lessons. So far I love it, but I've just been training. I don't start actually teaching until Monday. The kids are hilarious, so I'll try to keep you all informed of all the funny things that happen to me in the course of this job.

For starters, there's this kid, who I'll call Shark Boy because he wears goggles that look like a shark mouth and he thinks they give him super human powers to swim extra fast....anyway you can totally tell he's the type of kid that just soaks up a ton of information and will tell it to anyone who will listen. Today he told me that this week he saw Jesus turn into a tree. Kid's theology is obviously way off.

In other non-swimming news I have to make an appointment with an orthodontist. What self-respecting 23 year old still goes to the orthodontist? Ugh...

C-Tom

2009-05-17T16:58:00.005-05:00

This post has been a long time coming. Sorry

A few weeks ago I mentioned on fb that I had the most nerdy law school moment ever. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, or C-Tom as I like to call him, visited my law school back in April. A supreme court justice walking the halls of a law school can be compared to the Jonas Brothers showing up for lunch at a junior high. We're talking crowds of people blocking hallways so that they can stay within earshot without getting too close, security guards, and professors who can't figure out what all the fuss is about. If you're wondering why I waited so long to post about this it's because I was waiting for this to come in the mail:

Me and Randi's 8x10 pic with C-Tom, which will look awesome on my wall at work (and totally put the picture of Walter Mondale one of the attorney's has to shame). I haven't taken it to work yet, so for now it is nicely complementing my Justice Scalia bobble head on my shelf in my room.

Why Didn't I take Pictures?

2009-05-10T23:22:00.004-05:00

Tonight me and the other law school Molly fulfilled our semester long dream of hosting a hot dish party. I made tater-tot hot dish using a recipe from the Minnesota Winter Festival's Hot Dish Tent and other Molly made a hot dish from what is becoming one of my favorite cookbooks, Hot Dish Heaven. Hot Dish Heaven was written by Ann Burckhardt, which is only funny because there is a prof at law school whose name is Ann Burkhart and she would totally be the type to make hot dish. She recently auctioned off her help with drafting a will for a school fundraiser, which I did not bid on. However, if she had auctioned off a night of hot dish making I totally would have bid on her. I digress. Molly and I asked people to bring either bars or a salad as defined by Minnesotans (In Minnesota a salad is pretty much any mixture of ingredients served cold. See Frog Eye Salad, Seven Layer Salad, Broccoli Salad.) While I am very grateful for those who brought food, they did not so much catch the vision Molly and I had. We got one real salad, several non-bar desserts, and orange juice. Still, hot dish night was definitely a success, I only wish that I had taken pictures.

Dear Jesus,

2009-05-07T22:03:00.001-05:00

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for summer and nights when it's just beginning to get dark at 9pm and warmth and stars. Thank you for worship and peace and joy. Thank you for prayer and listening. Thank you for your Spirit, for your healing. God, thank you for your grace, for loving me and teaching me to extend grace to myself.

Chair Races

2009-05-07T15:54:00.003-05:00

In the last 4 days I have taken 3 finals. Luckily I have almost a whole week before my next one and then it's summer! I whine about how stressful law school is a lot, so rather than focusing on that I have a story about how law school can be awesome... even during finals.

Law school has turned me into an old person and generally speaking I prefer to be in my bed by 10pm and asleep by 11pm on weeknights. Law school is the last place I want to be at midnight, and yet that's exactly where I was on Tuesday night. Luckily I was not there studying or citechecking (THANK GOODNESS). Christine and I showed up to watch several of our friends make fools of themselves and disrupt the entire library during finals in the middle of the night (and I thought I was being a rebel by wearing my flipflops). An epic rolly-chair race from one corner of the library to the other and back. Awesomeness...

Easter

2009-04-12T11:38:00.003-05:00

This is a post from my old xanga that I thought I'd repost in part today. I wrote it during Spring break of my Junior year while visiting Emily in Paris. Below is the painting the post is about. For reference, the painting depicts John 20:1-9.

Although it sounds like I've just been goofing around for most of this trip, it's also been very "spiritual" (or whatever you wanna call it). This being Europe and all, we've managed to hit up several of the major Cathedrals and museums. It's been cool to see how each one teaches me a little something more about the gospel. I could probably write a really long entry about each of them, but that would probably be excessive (if you wanna know about the other places ask me). Instead I'll just tell you about my most recent moment at the Musee d'Orsay. There are a ton of famous impressionist works there, but I was struck by a random painting some where in the middle of an exhibit on the second floor. I can't remember who painted it or what the French title was, even though I went back to look just so I'd remember for this entry. Anyway it was a painting by some guy whose name starts with a B, of Peter and John as they were running to the tomb to see if Jesus was really gone. It was an amazing and yet simple picture. It was close, just of their upper bodies. I think what made me cry when I looked at them were their expressions. They looked excited, hurried, worried, and relieved at the same time. I was left imagining what it might have been like for the disciples to hear that Jesus was not in the tomb. Their fear that some one had stolen His body. The thrill of the thought that their best friend was really coming back to them. Jesus promised to return, but the disciples were not always the quickest of fellows. I wonder if when they finally figured it out, all of their memories of Jesus saying odd things about coming back on the third day came flooding back and clicked into place. Christ had conquered death, but even more, their best friend was back. How often do I run to Jesus with that same enthusiasm? Does my relationship with Him reflect that same amount of passion, fear, love, and expectancy? I have a God who died for me, how amazing is that? And in addition to that, He wants a relationship; He knows me and wants me to know Him in the same way. I want to run to him like Peter and John did.

Good Friday

2009-04-11T13:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a good Friday. The Good Friday service at church opened with the worship team playing Sufjan's Abraham.

Abraham, worth a righteous one
Take up on the wood
Put it on your son
Lake or lamb
There is none to harm
When the angel came
You had raised your arm

Abraham, put off on your son
Take instead the ram
Until Jesus comes

I love this song. I love this story. I love God's foreshadowing.

It's hard to internalize the significance of Christ's death, to reconcile God's justice and His grace. In some ways Abraham's story is more relatable. It's easier to look at the story and understand how hard it would be for a father to kill his son when his son did not deserve it. While Christ's death is certainly a horrific image, Abraham's story sheds light on looking at it through the lens of Jesus and God's relationship.

I think that some times I forget about Jesus' humanity, that just before His arrest He prayed for an out and appealed to God calling Him Abba, Father. I think about salvation and the crucifixion in a sort of removed way that allows me to discount the sacrifice and suffering involved. I ignore the pain that Jesus and God must have suffered when they were separated because it's easier on my pride. Some how it makes me feel like I need God less, a total lie. I realize that in doing this I'm missing out on understanding how much God loves me. I'm grateful for the moments when I wake up from those lies. Right now I feel loved.

Top10...err 11 Spring Break Moments!

2009-03-31T22:02:00.005-05:00

These aren't in any specific order.

1. It was almost 60 degrees out on both Sunday and Monday. It was so nice all the snow melted, I went home early from work, and I ran like 3 days in a row.
2. As a result of 1. I got to dig my rainbows out from the back of my closet and wore them at least 5 times (sadly with the current weather they have been returned to the closet).
3. I went to Michael Jordan's house near Chicago and got yelled at through the intercome. I'm pretty sure it was actually Michael Jordan...or at least that's the story I'm sticking to (we actually just saw the gate). This is just one of the amazing things I got to do on my first ever trip to Chicago.
4. I got to spend over 12 hours in a car with Christine. We haven't had nearly enough time to hang out this semester and had lots of catching up to do. We never turned on the radio and didn't even need a no-pressure-to-talk rule, one of the many things I love about Christine.
5. I had 2 Slurpees! There are no 7-Elevens in Minnesota, which makes me sad. Icees and Slurpees are not the same thing. When I noticed a 7-Eleven on the way to Christine's I literally freaked out. Maybe a little bit of an overreaction, but I was excited.
6. I caught up on Professional Responsibility. I had only read for two classes before spring break. Catching up is a feat to be proud of and I got to do it at my favorite bou, awesomeness.
7. I got to see Lake Michigan. I had this vision that we would listen to Sufjan's To Be Alone with You as the lake came into view. Sadly, Josh is lacking in his Sufjan music collection, but I sang the song in my head, so it's okay.
8. Lisa Chu made me (and a bunch of her friends) Pad Thai from scratch. Freakin' delish!
9. Christine and I got manicures. I painted my nails dark purple. Totallyout of character for me, but I was in a trendy mood. This was one of the many awesome things we got to do in her way cute home time. I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with her and her family.
10. We went across this weird bridge in Chicago that was designed by this guy who also designed a really ugly building on the U of M campus. This was mostly exciting because I thought it would be fun to slide down the side of the bridge. Didn't do it, but should have.
11. OMG! I almost forgot. Lisa Chu and Christine met, and the world did not implode. They are each other's doppleganger (I'm a nerd). I built this up a lot and as a result I worry that it was not as fulfilling for them as it was for me. Awesome!

I'm on Spriiiing Break!

2009-03-15T14:21:00.002-05:00

Right now it's 55 degrees outside. In Berkeley this would be when people would start busting out their pea coats (has anyone ever noticed that everyone in Berkeley owns a pea coat?), but in MN it gets this warm and everyone immediately runs outside to rejoice after a long cold winter. It's so nice to see people outside. I watched at least 5 people with strollers cautiously navigate a patch of melting ice in front of my house this afternoon. I left my coat at home today and wore flip flops. Flip flops = happiness.

This weather is particularly awesome because this is the first weekend of spring break...and it feels like spring! I have high hopes for this week. I finished my law review obligations on Thursday. TORT was last weekend. I cleaned my room yesterday (after like several months of neglect...). I'm finally reading for PR after not even touching my text book for weeks. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to slow down, to rest, to catch up on life, and do some processing. I'm having one of those, "wow I'm so freaking blessed" days. God is so good and I hate that I don't readily recognize that more often.

Whoa!

2009-03-10T22:13:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I have these moments where it hits me that I am in Minnesota, thousands of miles away from beaches (the good kind), sunshine, and my childhood "life." It's weird because Minnesota has never been a strange place to me. I spent a lot of time here on family vacays, my extended family has always been here, and it is where I was born. Even though I've been here for over a year and a half now, I'm still caught off guard sometimes by the fact that I'm not on vacation and that this place is actually starting to feel like home. I can picture myself living here after law school, like settling down here. It's weird, but good.

Since high school I've been thinking about my life in chunks -- this is where I was, this is where I am, and this is where I'm going. It's odd to get to the point in my life where I have to make some more permanent decisions. I'm still not ready to commit to any one place...side track: wow, I just had an epiphany. Is it weird that I don't want commit to living anywhere yet? I feel like most people I know have a general idea of where they want to end up. Might need more time to fully process the implications of that...* Not knowing where I'm going to end up is kind of frustrating and doesn't really jive with the whole plan-it-all-in-advance part of my personality. Yet, I'm sort of getting the impression that God is using this to encourage (and by encourage I mean force) me to rely on him.

* Dave/Randi - insert comment here.

Playing Catch Up

2009-02-28T21:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, so it's the last day of February and I am still 3 days shy of reaching 25 things. So, I will try to throw something together in this post.

22. I love people watching.

This might have something to do with that over analytical thing I talked about before. My favorite thing to do is to assess couple's relationships at coffee shops.

23. I have really high expectations for people.

I think this comes out of my general sense of optimism. I see the best in people and I expect them to live up to that. I'm coming to terms with the fact that when I feel let down that is often my problem, and not theirs.

24. I avoid awkward situations as often as possible...which often only makes awkward situations more awkward.

This has been recently complicated by the introduction of Randi into my life, but I love her nonetheless.

25. I am a C, I am a C-H, I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

My relationship with Christ is what defines me, it is what drives me, and it is what I strive toward. This all sounds kind of cliche, but it is true. In college most of my life was centered around ministry (through Crusade and ADX) and it was a lot easier to find my identity in Christ in that context. Learning what it looks like to glorify God in law school is challenging, but I feel like it's a better reflection of what my faith will look like in the long term than what it was in college. It requires a different sort of intentionality and integration and it's something that I still feel lost in.

Normally I'm a big fan of abbrevs.

2009-02-27T23:06:00.005-06:00

21. I hate it when people say "Cali" instead of California.

I will never use that word. Unfortunately everyone and their mom refers to California as "Cali" here in MN. The worst part is they always say it with a MN accent, but trying to sound "cool." They over emphasize the a, dragging it out even longer than they normally draw out vowels. I used to think that the only people who called California "Cali" were people who were not from California. However, I've come to the sad realization that this is not true and have heard California natives refer to it as such. People, PLEASE STOP.

Should Probably Get over It

2009-02-26T22:08:00.002-06:00

20. I'm still bitter about elementary school.

Suffice it to say that I went to a small private school and was not one of the "cool kids." However, I found my niche at church. My church had an amazing children's program back in the day, we refer to it as the golden years of YCC children's ministry. My oldest friends are people I met in church. It's crazy because in a few years, some of these people will have kids that are the same age as we were when we met. I love that we grew up together. We all lead very different lives now, but it's amazing to see how God has worked in each of our lives over the years. Tuts for life. :)

I was bit by a shark...jk

2009-02-25T22:33:00.005-06:00

19. I have a really awesome scar on my left leg.

During the summer between 8th and 9th grade I was surfing with my dad in Carlsbad and my leg got cut open by the fin on my board. The only time I ever saw the wound was when couldn't stand up and looked down. My dad was by my side in about 30 seconds and covered it up with a towel (I suppose to stop the bleeding) and he never let me look at it again. I sat around in an emergency room for a few hours wearing my swimsuit and a sweat shirt, it was kind of awkward (I don't think anyone noticed though, especially considering they had their own injuries to worry about...like one guy who had a huge knife sticking out of his foot and was screaming like a big baby and begging for vicodin.) I had 18 stitches on the outside and more inside my leg. I took the stitches out myself while on vacation in MN because I wanted to swim. I still have some weird nerve damage in my leg. When you press on one end of the scar I get this stabbing pain by my knee, kind of like when your foot falls asleep, but it stings. I'm not a big fan of blood and gore stories, but it is kind of awesome (in a 13 year old boy sort of way).

word to your mother

2009-02-24T22:33:00.004-06:00

18. I am a mama's girl.

I mentioned at some point (10) that my Grandmom is the woman I most want to be like, and in that post I mentioned my mom. Basically, she's awesome. I figured she deserved her own number though.

Today in the mail I received a random tax paper that included an unnecessarily long note letting me know that I am loved and being prayed for daily. My mom shows me on a daily basis what it means to love God and love people, and I'm so grateful for who she's been in my life. She'll listen to me talk about nothing for way longer than she should. She does not get impatient with me even though I often do with her. She is the mediator and the de-escalator of situations in my family. She lets me know all the time that I am missed, but has also given me the freedom to move away and grow up without making me feel guilty. I love her.

PS I am lame and way behind on this, but my life is a bit more than busy right now...dealing.

PPS I definitely referenced Vanilla Ice in my title. I listened to Ice Ice, Baby for the first time in several months today, which reignited my love of the song and it's awesomeness.

...

2009-02-20T17:45:00.003-06:00

17. I over use ellipses.

I use ellipses way too often when I casually writing things, mostly in gchat. I think that in my head they carry a lot more weight than what it communicates to the people reading them...

I'll Be Done in Plenty of Time

2009-02-19T20:48:00.002-06:00

16. I procrastinate.

Surprisingly, I have only pulled 2 all nighters in my life for school related purposes. I have the second draft of my Law Review Note due tomorrow. This post will be short. It's going to be a late night.

We're All in this Together

2009-02-18T22:34:00.003-06:00

15. I am a sucker for all things a pre-teen girl would love.

Here's a list: Taylor Swift, HSM (1,2, AND 3), the Twilight series, the Disney Channel, etc. The odd thing is, I was never much for teen-girl fads when I was a teen-girl. Never did the whole boy band thing and my parent's weren't big fans of encouraging trendy behaviors. Maybe this is my way of rebelling...

Thinking About It

2009-02-17T21:31:00.003-06:00

14. I over analyze...like to a ridiculous extent.

I especially over analyze when it comes to my relationships, with people and with God. In some ways I think that my analytical perspective helps me relate to and read people better. I also think that it's made me extremely intentional when it comes to my faith. Still, the "over" part of it makes me doubt myself and where I stand with people and God. I don't think I'll ever be able to just turn it off, but hopefully as I grow I'll learn how to better balance between being analytical and over analytical.

Bread + Brie + Wine = amAAAzing

2009-02-16T20:28:00.003-06:00

13. My favorite meal is brie, bread (preferably something w/ rosemary in it), and red wine...no need for vegetables (wine counts as the fruit).

This was my dinner tonight and I am very happy, especially because the brie only cost $1.99 (usually $5.99). Back in college Em and I made this meal on a regular basis and usually ate it while watching an ep of Gilrmore Girls, or part of Pride and Prejudice. Those are still some of my favorite times from college.

2009-02-15T22:34:00.002-06:00

12. I'm slightly afraid of getting killed while walking from school to my car after dark, so I always call someone while I walk.

I blame this fear on the mass emails sent to all the students about once a week informing us of an assault that has happened on or near campus. I have to be strategic about who I call. It's usually someone in CA because it's too late to call anyone in MN. My mom is usually the lucky winner because she's most likely to actually answer the phone. If I do call someone and they don't answer, I'll leave a really long message (Mel, hope you appreciated that tonight :) ), so that it at least looks like I'm talking to someone while I walk to my car.

I don't really know what good talking to someone in CA is going to do if I get attacked. But I figure the bad guy doesn't know I'm not talking to someone in MN, or across the street, or even the police, so it's got to be some sort of a deterrent. Also, I find at least a little bit of comfort in the fact that if I'm attacked at least one person will know and it won't be days (or even weeks) until someone realizes I've gone missing and informs my family.

Shopping

2009-02-13T23:03:00.003-06:00

11. I hate shopping, especially with other people. However, I'll go shopping with you, I just won't look for stuff for myself.

I need jeans...but I don't want to go shopping.

Who I Want to Be

2009-02-11T21:58:00.003-06:00

Note...these are likely to get shorter, because the novelty is wearing off.

10. I hope that I can be the kind of woman my Grandmom was.

While many amazing Christian women have influence my life, I look up to my Grandmom the most. She loved people and Christ in a way that I just can't comprehend. She never put herself before other people even toward the end of her life when she was really sick. That's not to say she let herself be walked upon, she often insisted she get her way. I remember once when I was a kid my older cousin and his friend helped move a couch into my Grandmom's apartment. She wanted to give them money as a thank you so they could go out to eat or something afterward. They both insisted that it was unnecessary, but Grandmom insisted more and they finally took money. Only my cousin slipped the money back into her purse when she wasn't looking. Except, Grandmom was much too clever for that trick; she saw the money and as she hugged my cousin good bye she managed to put the money in his back pocket without him ever realizing it. She was also a very competitive game player, I don't ever remember her letting me win as a kid.

I always felt loved by my Grandmom and I know that she had that same impact on others. I've gone back to the church my mom grew up in a couple times since moving to MN and people still tell me amazing stories about her. I see this same capacity to care for other people in my mom. I hope that, like my mom and Grandmom, I become the type of woman that shows people who Christ is by the way that I live and treat others.

mmm...coffee

2009-02-10T20:30:00.003-06:00

9. I heart coffee.

Yeah, I think this one is given. I just decided to mention it because today one of my law school friends made fun of me because so many of my Berkeley friends tag me in random pictures of coffee or coffee related things. One of the things I miss about Berkeley (I could start a list of 25 things I miss about Berk) is the cafes...but not Milano (or being forced to go there by people that didn't understand the icky-ness that is Milano coffee). I have found some great coffee shops in MN, but nothing really compares to the Far-Away-Starbucks (that is no more) and Strada.

Ooops!

2009-02-09T23:04:00.003-06:00

I skipped 6...and no one even noticed, which makes me think no one is reading this...c'mon people. :) Anyway.....

6. I loved high school.

I feel like high school gets a bad rap. School was relatively easy and I spent most of my time socializing. I had awesome friends (and still have many of them) and we spent most of our weekends hanging out unsupervised in Em's pool house or driving around Yucaipa doing stupid things (touching stop signs, off roading, playing a variation of tag with cars, going to midget villiages, parking outside haunted mansions and thinking about goin in... wow we were dumb). We even had a secret "gang." I spent most afternoons and many mornings in a pool beating up on people/being beat up on by Kelly (or climbed on by her...Carp: "Kelly, what are you doing?" Kelly: "I'm a sloth."). I was still one of the popular kids at church. Sure, there was drama, but I was rarely the center of it and compared to life now, that stuff seems relatively unimportant. I don't want to be one of those people who can't let go of high school, but I have no problem admitting that I enjoyed those 4 years.

LaLaLaaa!

2009-02-08T21:51:00.003-06:00

8. I sing in the car.

Okay, so maybe this isn't surprising considering I'm annoyingly humming or singing a song under my breath like 90% of the time. I guess what's odd is I sing in weird voices in the car when I'm by myself. I usually smile at people in the cars next to me if they catch me, mostly because I know that if they could actually hear me they'd probably have an even more amused look on their face. Also, I sing in my head a lot, including while I swim. It's horrible if I get a slow song stuck in my head because I usually swim to the rhythm of the music and it slows me down.

Mornin'

2009-02-07T20:33:00.003-06:00

7. I am a morning person.

I can cope with late nights and on occasion I don't mind sleeping in, but over all I am a morning person. No matter what time I get up in the morning, I'm usually in a good mood. I'm also most productive in the morning (forcing my brain to work after about 7:00pm is pretty painful). If you want to piss off people who are not morning people, put them in the same room with a morning person in the morning. I learned this after sharing a room with my little sister for 16 years, who is the crabbiest non-morning person ever, but I guess this isn't her 25 things, so I won't elaborate.

Choo! Choo!

2009-02-06T17:31:00.003-06:00

5. I love playing Train with my family!

Everyone in my family is really different, so finding things that we can do as a family can be kind of difficult. Still, every time I go home, I know that one night after dinner we're going to play train ...even Billy. It's great family bonding time and the way each of us plays says a lot about our personalities. My dad refuses to set up a train before he starts playing and tries to rush everyone else into taking their turn. My mom takes FOREVER (like days...and the game is already really long so it's kind of maddening) to set up her train and take every turn. Jackie is sneaky, she likes messing people up and laying down doubles without covering them or right before she goes out. And she will always catch it if you don't say "choo!choo!" when you're down to one domino. Billy simply tolerates the game. I don't know how I play, you'd have to ask my family. Maybe my thing is just that I analyze how everyone else is playing and adjust my playing as necessary (I also try to set my tiles up so they can't tell when I have a double coming up or how long my train is...but shhh don't tell them my strategy :) ).

Messy

2009-02-05T22:52:00.003-06:00

4. The cleanliness of my room is a fairly accurate representation of where my heart is at.

When I am stressed or have too much going on in my life, my room gets messy. Usually I set aside time to clean my room and sort of symbolically destress my life. I've noticed, in general, that the more stress I have in my life, the less I focus on who God is and who He wants me to be. It becomes so easy to push aside, even the things that matter most, when my priorities get out of whack.

Car Gradient

2009-02-04T21:16:00.002-06:00

3. I've always had brown cars.

When I turned 16 my parents gave me my Grandmom's old car, a 1987 Chevy Caprice, the Boat. It was dark dark brown; I liked to say it was maroon. The interior was awesomely maroon, and when a family friend broke my radio, my sister and I made a concerted effort to memorize music we both liked so we could sing it in the car. I always gave the quiet neighbor girl a ride to school, and Jackie and I would sing songs from Moulin Rouge and Chicago to her (or at her). When the Boat died my parent's came upon (from where I don't know) a poopy brown Zepher. It was the worst car ever and I hated it, the end. Then one day my Daddy bought the Ford. A dark tan Explorer, with fancy leather seats and a fully functioning CD player/radio. It was a major step up but still brown. While I was in college my dad sold it. In high school my friends and I joked that I would eventually get a white car because, though always brown, my cars got progressively lighter. When I moved to MN and knew I was going to buy a car, I looked forward to getting a not brown car. Instead of getting a not brown car, I got a gold car, which is just a fancy way of saying brown.

Most people already know this...

2009-02-03T22:29:00.004-06:00

2. I'm deaf in my left ear and I don't mind being made fun of for it.

My favorite jab ever was one night when I went out to Skates with a bunch of Berkeley friends for happy hour. Joey and I were joking around and, as is typical of Joey, he was being mean to me. I told him I couldn't hear him because he was on my deaf side; to which Joey responded "Well, you're on my angry drunk side." I think it's one of those random quirks I have and I'm glad that there are people out there who know me well enough to feel comfortable poking fun at me. However, I know that someone is truly a good friend when they remember to walk on my good side or automatically give me the spot at the table that will allow me to interact with the most people.

Things About Me

2009-02-02T21:32:00.003-06:00

So, everyone and their mom have been posting notes on facebook titled "25 Random Things About Me" (or some variation of that). I am taking the position that this is both stupid/annoying and entertaining/insightful. Mostly, I just don't like getting a bajillion emails telling me that a) I have been tagged in a note and b) 9 million people have commented on it. I do however, enjoy learning stuff about my friends and being reminded of funny things I already know. So, in an effort to both protest facebook notes and participate in building friendships I am going to use the month of Febuary to post 25 things about myself.

Originally I was going to post 28 things and commit to posting every day in Febuary. Randi told me that there was no way I would be able to post that often, which I took as a challenge and immediately swore I would prove her wrong. Well...Febuary 1st was yesterday, and I didn't post, so whatever, Randi wins. Still, Dave pointed out that I could stick with the 25 things and give myself 3 freebees, so that's the new plan of action. So with out further ado:

1. I sleep with all of my closet doors (I have 2 closets) closed, no matter what, but during the day my closet doors are usually open. I also used to sleep with the opening of my pillow case to the right, but in an effort to be less neurotic I've tried to let that go.

To be honest, I don't even know how this started. As a kid I had a hard time falling asleep, and I think I just came up with this whole set of rituals to distract me. I also will sleep under a comfortor or heavy blanket no matter how hot it is. I figure if someone were to sneak into my room to kidnap me (improbable part one) I'd wake up when they took my cover off (improbable part two) ...you know so I could defend myself (improbable part three). Yeah, it's irrational.

Perspective

2009-01-17T12:57:00.002-06:00

When it's not unbearably cold, the snow/winter isn't so bad.

Lord,
Thank you for -20 degree days that give me the perspective to enjoy 20 degree days.

Vegas Family Vaycay

2009-01-10T18:59:00.005-06:00

For Christmas this year my family road tripped it out to Vegas so my parents could use their time-share before the year ran out. My parents do not drink, gamble, or like to spend lots of money, so I can't tell you why my mom chose Vegas, but to Vegas we went. Ultimately I think the trip was more about my mom trapping the whole family together for several days without interruption from friends or work than going to Vegas.

Here is me, my sister (Jackie), and my brother (Billy...er Bill, whateve) all cozy in the back seat during our 4 hour drive through the desert! Surprisingly the desert is pretty and I got my 60 degree Christmas wish!

We established quite the routine while in Vegas: wake up, daytime outing, dinner on the strip, look at things on mom's list of free things to see in Vegas, go to bed, repeat the next day.

For our Christmas dinner we went to Margaritaville at the recommendation of Jackie, who is the only Miller who has been to Vegas for "recreational" purposes before. She promised a diverse menu at reasonable prices. While she did a great job remembering that the place has killer nachos she forgot about the bikini clad dancer who slides down a volcano water slide into a margarita glass and then dances around a giant fishing hook suspended above the bar. Merry (uncomfortable) Christmas!

This is a pic of my parents at Christmas dinner before we told my dad his hair looked ridiculous.

We went to the Hoover Dam for one of our day time outings. This pic was taken by a pair of random high school guys who I'm pretty sure were hitting on Jackie. They did an excellent job at getting all of the construction, but none of the dam in the picture.

The fountains at the Bellagio were probably the best of my mom's free attractions. All of the shows were to Christmas music and my sister and I took this really attractive picture. The downside of a hotel piping Christmas music out doors is that it inspired my father to dance and embarrass us all. We have a video, but I'm not going to subject myself to unneeded embarrassment twice. I'm pretty sure the family standing next to us thought he drank too much.

The worst attraction on my mom's list, as you can tell by my brother's face, was the singing statues in Caesar's Palace. The mall stores were more entertaining; what the heck kind of stores stay open in a mall past 11pm? Also entertaining was antagonizing my brother's bad mood. I took pictures and Jackie sang the song Cheer up Charlie, replacing all the Charlies with Billys (Jackie loves the movie Willy Wonka. I hate the movie as a result of being forced to watch it so many times during my childhood). Billy is wearing what Jackie and I lovingly refer to as the lumberjack-et.

I'll end this post with a funny pic of Jackie taken somewhere between our hotel and the New York, New York roller coaster. I was not there because, while I love my family, I needed some alone time and stayed back at the hotel. While not the conventional Christmas, we had a great time and I am reminded that I have an awesome (-ly odd) family!

Go Bears!

2008-12-28T19:58:00.002-06:00

In honor of Cal's bowl game on Saturday I wore my Berkeley sweatshirt (which I wear on most chilly days anyway, but still...). While walking across the Hoover Dam (an entry about the Miller-Christmas-Family Vacay in Vegas will be posted soon) a random woman yelled "Go Bears!" to me. I of course responded with an equally enthusiastic "Go Bears!" Cal then went on to win the bowl game. I wouldn't say that I was responsible for this win, but I bet our "Go Bears" exchange at least contributed to the good JuJu. I love being an alum of the best public university in the US.

Don't You Wish Your Law School Friends Were Cool Like Mine?

2008-12-16T22:46:00.003-06:00

I received one of the most amazing and unique Christmas presents ever this year from my law school friend Dave. He made Me, Randi, and Bri Lego scenes(?). Rather than writing about them, I'll just show pictures.

This is Me, Randi, and Bri. My Lego thing is a coffee shop, Randi's is a court room, and Bri's is a bar, with a stripper pole. I like how I'm literally glowing in this pic. We're going to put these on our desks at work.

This is a close up of me in my coffee shop. Note: it's a corner (pretty sure you didn't remember that off hand and got it off of fb Dave), pink coffee mug, shutters, handmade lego chair, brief case (that opens) for lappy, smooth floors, and fancy lamp (doesn't turn on). Dave was going to put a plant in the corner, but was apparently out of plant legos. If it was the thought that counted this wouldn't matter....bummer.

This is a dorky pic of Dave, who if he ever reads this, will probably kill me for posting this pic. He's using his lego mug that Randi and I got him for his B-day last year in the law school library. Dave hearts legos (though I doubt he would use that phrase). I don't know if this is a fair introduction of him onto the blog. He's way cooler than this makes him out to be, and he obviously gives great Christmas presents.

Milestone

2008-12-13T09:36:00.000-06:00

I AM HALF WAY DONE WITH LAW SCHOOL!!!

Taken Off Guard

2008-12-03T17:05:00.003-06:00

I was going over my Reproductive Rights notes at Starbucks today when a woman came up and asked what I was studying. I hesitated for a second deciding whether or not I should tell her specifically what I was studying or give her a more general description. The lady didn't give me a choice. When I told her I was a law student studying for finals she asked what courses I was taking. I really didn't feel like getting into it with some stranger in the middle of Starbucks when I was in a productive mood, but I was afraid that if I only listed 2 classes she'd think I was a slacker (3 is much better right???). Of course she zeroed right in on my Choice class and asked if I was taking it for any specific reason. Again, trying to avoid a political discussion I gave the most neutral answer I could think of: "I'm generally interested in the topic and it seemed relevant." Before I knew it she was asking me if I could agree that secular humanism affected judicial decisions like Roe. I just kept telling myself to smile and nod. She just assumed I supported abortion rights. I wanted to tell her that I agreed with her, but I didn't know if she was the sort of pro-lifer I wanted to associate myself with as she spouted off random studies that link abortion to cancer, started quoting doctors, and throwing out lots of big words. She was clearly ready to confront and change my liberal ideology. Even after I politely mentioned that I don't agree with abortion, she was still very confrontational. She left telling me about how tragic she thought it was that the academic community shunned conservative view points and seemed to be warning me that if I spoke up in class about what I really thought I would probably fail whether or not what I said had any academic merit.

The irony in all this is that I've been stressing about this very thing as I prepare for this final. Taking this class has been a challenge, and most days I am the only one advocating "conservative" viewpoints, but overall I have really appreciated the opportunity to study this topic through a legal lens. Now, as I create my outline and think about the various issues that come up I'm continually asking myself, "how would I answer this?" and "what does my professor want to hear?" I hope that I can achieve some sort of balance as I write my final, making clear and convincing arguments for what I know is right and true, but not forgetting my audience and how complicated this topic really is.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2008-11-22T17:34:00.002-06:00

Waking up to this makes the cold a little more bearable and it gives me an excuse to start listening to Christmas music.

Discuss Please

2008-11-11T17:23:00.003-06:00

I am admittedly stealing this post from Cinr, but I thought she raised what could potentially be a really helpful discussion. I realize our reader pools overlap to a large degree, but I would still love to hear from everyone (copy and paste your comments people :) ).

How do you study the Bible? Do you have any suggestions for unique/alternative/helpful approaches to digging into God's Word?

A Stitch and Lecture

2008-11-09T16:25:00.005-06:00

While being incredibly stupid at work 2 Thursdays ago I cut open my thumb. Here's a piece of advice: don't try to clear out a paper jam in a shredder with a pair of scissors. When I was still bleeding almost (and the almost is very important) six hours after the incident, my friend and coworker, Randi, insisted that we go to urgent care. I questioned the quality of care I was going to be given when the intake nurse didn't know how to spell scissors, but that was only the beginning.

My doctor, who affectionately referred to himself as Father Doctor Martinez, was...well, crazy. The following is a list of all the ridiculous things that happened that night.

After the nurse told me I only needed to have a tetanus if I hadn't had one in the last 10 years (which I had), dr told me I need one if I hadn't had one in the last 5 years (which I had not). For most this might not be a big deal, but for someone who has a totally irrational fear of needles this is not okay. Dr. fed me some BS about how statistically the shot only lasts for 5 years in 50% of the population while it lasts for 10 in the other 50% and since there was no way of knowing which 50% I was in I would have to get the shot.
Dr. was a big fan of statistics...made up statistics that is. When I came in he asked what time I cut my finger. It happened 15 minutes shy of 6 hours before he asked me this question. He then started to lecture me about not coming in earlier. He left the room and came back 5 minutes later with a graph that looked like this:He then proceeded to explain this graph to me, until Randi interrupted him and said, "As law students, I think we can read a graph." By the time he finished his little rant, it had been 6 hours since I cut my hand. If he had just put the damn stitch in when I first came in his whole little speech would have been unnecessary.
First he told me I couldn't have stitches because I waited to long to come in (see above) then he decided I needed a stitch because the cut probably wouldn't stay shut and heal on its own. He then gave me the choice of whether or not I wanted novacaine or not. However, he wouldn't just straight up make a recommendation, though he did tell me a story about 12 times about how when he was a kid his dad put 9 stitches in the bottom of his foot without any novacaine. Since I'm so awesome (read: afraid of needles) I opted for being stabbed only twice (instead of 4 times) and got my stitch without any medication. It hurt like hell, but was over soon enough.
While stitching me up dr told me to think of that boy I used to like in high school, who was all dreamy, but I could never talk to...and who ignored me....awkward silence followed.
When asked the list of questions about smoking, drugs, and alcohol I responded, no, no, and not habitually. Dr went off about how even "Father Doctor Martinez" needs to party every once in a while. He also told me and Randi that he was going to dress up as Barack Obama's twin brother for halloween and how he might need a bullet proof vest...another awkward silence.

Believe it or not there is more, but this entry is already long enough and I don't think that words can really express how ridiculous that trip to urgent care was. In closing I leave you a picture taken by Randi on her iPhone while Doctor Father Martinez cleaned my cut (I don't know why the pic is so small...but my face pretty much says it all).

Some Random Bullet Points

2008-11-05T10:38:00.004-06:00

A new entry is long overdue and, I promise, is on its way. These quick blurbs will have to tide you over.

A red cup full of eggnog latte goodness was the perfect start to my day. Welcome back holiday drinks!

I was reminded again of how different growing up in MN would be compared to CA when on a radio poll for most unusual places people have made-out the answers included: a corn field, a highway snow bank, and a Wal-mart dressing room.

It's November 5th and still no major snow fall. In fact, it's been in the 60s for the past couple days. No complaints here.

Mini Life Assessment

2008-09-18T22:23:00.003-05:00

So, I'm 3 weeks into school and I haven't had a chance to come up to breath. Between Law Review, classes, working in a law clinic in school, and working 16 hrs a week, I haven't had much (any?) free time. The odd thing is, I'm struck by how grateful I am for each of the things I'm doing this semester.

Law Review - In addition to becoming a bluebooking bad ass and bff w/ CMOS (Chicago Manual of Style), I'm genuinely challenged to think and solve problems while trudging through an onslaught of footnotes to be edited. It's crazy to think how reliant we are on the internet for research. And even though procuring a hard copy of every single source cited in an article seems slightly archaic/pretentious, I'm kind of proud that I know how to find the most up to date current US laws in a book. Not to mention all those photo copying skilz I picked up working at Bancroft Library are totally coming in handy.

Classes - While I'm enjoying all of my classes, I'm most surprised by my Reproductive Choice Law class. I came in with the expectation that I would be a conservative in a sea of liberalism backed by one of the most notoriously left-leaning professors at the school. While this is still true, I have been pleasantly surprised by that professors ability to present both sides of most issues. The class is largely discussion based, and while I may have singled my self out from the rest of the crowd, I don't feel like I can't speak my mind.

In addition to Choice Law I'm taking Employment Law and Modern Real Estate. Our employment law professor plays a song from his "employment law sound track" everyday before class, so that pretty much makes him awesome. My Modern Real Estate class is one of the most applicable classes I have ever taken in my life. Buying a house just seems intimidating, and while I don't expect to buy one any time soon, I feel like by the time this class is over I could handle it with confidence. Also, the professor is a rock star, by day 2 she had everyone's name memorized based on the pictures she has of us on our seating chart. She also has the most wicked MN accent EVER.

Law Clinic - I'm involved in the Child Advocacy Law Clinic. This clinic is one of the reasons why I chose to go to the U. Little did I know that everyone wants to be in a clinic and each clinic only has about 10 spots that are assigned via a lottery system. I got lucky! Anyway, I basically get to be a lawyer, under the supervision of a real lawyer (think the scene in Legally Blonde where Elle takes over as Brooke's attorney). The other amazing thing is that the work I'll be doing in this clinic is exactly what I would want to do if I didn't have a ridiculous amount of school loans to pay off. I call my first client next week!

Work - I love my job! In addition to having a boss who tells the best lame jokes, I'm actually doing law stuff. School is a lot of theory and "learning to think like a lawyer." At work I have cases, I talk to clients, I write stuff for clients, I file petitions for stuff. It's so cool to see the mechanics of all this thinking. And I work with Randi; enough said.

My House - I feel like I need to tack this one on. I really love my new place. It's really comfortable and I'm already starting to feel like I'm developing a sense of community here that I was lacking before. I love the stage where you get to know the people you are living with: who is a morning person, who gets annoyed by perky morning people, who likes to tell stories, who gives comfort, who serves, who likes the same tv shows as me, etc.. Sadly, I am the only coffee drinker and unfortunately I bought the 10 cup coffee maker. Every morning now I'm faced with a problem: can I drink 10 cups of coffee or do I attempt to make a smaller portion. No matter what I always have too much and half of it goes down the drain (literally and figuratively).

Happy First Week of School to Me!

2008-09-03T22:01:00.004-05:00

I was picking up some school supplies when I came upon this:

The Post-it flag, highlighter, AND pen has arrived! Additionally, they are sparkly and come in 3 colors. Pretty much made my day!

I do however, have a few criticisms. I don't know about this two-lid action that's going on. I'm worried about losing the post-it flags/pen lid. Also the post-it/highlighter/pen does not have that fancy turning mechanism that keeps your flags tucked away while not in use. The flags could potentially be pulled out while rolling around in my backpack. Lastly, these post-it/highlighter/pens are not as sleek as their post-it highlighter predecess or. While I may appreciate the sparkles, it screams pre-teen adolescent girl, and 12 year olds have no use for post-it flags or highlighters. 3M should have designed the pen with law students in mind. This is sure to be the next hot give away item at job fairs (since most law students don't buy their office supplies and this is an opportunity to scoop up 3 different supplies at once), but all those sparkles will distract from law firm logos.

A How To

2008-08-25T08:00:00.001-05:00

This is pretty stinkin' awesome.

Mark All as Read

2008-08-17T23:09:00.003-05:00

Should I be ashamed that after neglecting google reader all weekend I skimmed all the headlines for Oddly Enough before clicking "mark all as read" for my news folder to get rid of all those unread CNN and NY Times headlines?

My Ideal Saturday

2008-08-03T21:26:00.004-05:00

After a heinously stressful week I was extremely blessed by a fabulous weekend. I went to La Madeleine, one of my favorite DC area cafes, conveniently located just blocks away from my hotel. Though I don't intend to give a full commentary on the food, I will say that I reluctantly passed up a chocolate almond croissant because I was craving something savory. While I very much enjoyed my Florentine Quiche and thought that it provided a great balance to my latte, I still bought a croissant as I left so I could enjoy it later (which I did!).

This brings me to my second favorite part of my morning (note: coffee and food = first favorite part), my trashy chick-lit book. It's the sort of book that as a law student I probably shouldn't be reading (The Economist or The Bluebook would be more appropriate leisure reading). I'm fairly certain - make that definitely certain - that reading this sort of book kills brain cells, but none the less it goes well with a cup of coffee and occasional breaks for people watching.

I think my "like" (I'm not ready to call it love) for this sort of book started with The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and to be honest I try to keep this indulgence at a minimum. However, after finishing both books I brought with me I had no other choice but to buy another book. The book Something Borrowed, and the books that follow it in the series, came highly recommended by a great friend. Basically, I've decided that I'm totally justified in reading these books because they are about a 30 year old lawyer who hates her job in a big firm and with OCI right around the corner this book is keeping my competitive spirit in check. Be forewarned, essentially the plot of the book is the protagonist justifying her affair with her BFF's fiancé. The book is lacking in sound morals, but is entertaining and throws around legal jargon (which makes me feel smart).

While my morning of drinking coffee and reading chick-lit was not the end of my fabulous Saturday, it reminded me how much I love simple mornings with nothing to do.

Perks

2008-08-01T13:28:00.002-05:00

It's been a busy past couple weeks and eventually I plan on writing a post about my adventures which will include pictures.

For now I just wanted to say that grant reviewing is not much fun, but it comes with its perks. While a bright blue tote bag with a government logo is nice, my favorite "extras" for this review have been:

1. Doubletree cookies (They'll give you another one if you ask politely at the front desk.)

and

2. Doubletree pens (I've been hoarding them like a crazy person, but I will have enough to last me all year and then some!)

Connecting the Dots

2008-07-04T09:59:00.003-05:00

Last week I received a voice mail from my mom in an unusually peppy tone saying I needed to call her back ASAP because she had something important to tell me. Realizing that her excitement was an obvious front for bad news I called her back not knowing what to expect, but hoping it was one of those things that my mom would overreact to but normal people would be less offended by. Sadly, her call was to tell me that her doctor had found an abnormal spot on her liver and would be doing a biopsy. Not really knowing how to respond to the information, I rushed through the phone call eager to end it so I could process what I had just heard.

Cancer? My mom might have cancer? In reality, rather than really processing this I quickly put the thought out of my mind. There seemed to be no point in worrying. The doctor hadn't even performed the biopsy yet and she didn't have any of the symptoms associated with liver cancer. The biopsy was scheduled for the following day and I awoke that morning with a pit in my stomach. It may have been unlikely that they would giver her results the same day as having the biopsy, but I had an unshakable feeling that this might be the worst day of my life thus far. After some quick google searches about liver cancer I knew that if this is what my mom had there was not a ton of hope. I cried and realized this was affecting me more than I thought it was. All day I waited for news, telling only a couple people about the situation because I didn't want to raise too much alarm without knowing anything. Finally I called my mom only to find out the biopsy was rescheduled for Monday.

I managed to keep myself busy enough throughout the weekend that I didn't really have time to think about it. Still, lying in my bed at night trying to fall asleep my mind would immediately jump to the worst possible scenario. What would my family do without her? Why did I have to be so far away right now? What would the next 6 months look like for our family? I was filled with worry. I tried to remind myself that God's will is perfect, that no matter what the outcome he would guide and protect my family. He cares for the sparrow and clothes the lily, he would be there for us. Still, I know that Satan was doing everything to continue planting seeds of doubt. In many ways I gave into this, I dwelled on the worst and ultimately doubted God's sovereignty. Not that sin is justified by good reasons, by how could I feel anything else?

On Monday, the day of the rescheduled biopsy, I took a break from some of the aspects of my normal routine to pray. All day I was stuck in this very dark place, despite my desire to really make a genuine appeal to God. After receiving a voice mail from my dad saying the biopsy went fine, my mom was in the recovery room, and that they would call on their way home I felt stuck. It was done, the news would come eventually, but I only wanted to hear it if it was good. I prayed for comfort and for strength, feeling selfish that my own struggles consumed my thoughts rather than those of my mom, dad, and siblings. Still, God answers prayer and I was immediately comforted by a call from my dad's sister. While I could hear the worry in her voice as she held back tears, her words and prayers were a comfort. It was a blessing to know that I was not alone in my worries, my feelings of distance, and my prayers. This conversation was followed by a phone call from my parents who sounded genuinely hopeful as opposed to their tones of labored hopefulness I had heard earlier in the week. 2-5 days for news, but oddly I felt at peace. No more worrying. I also felt genuinely hopeful and at the same time accepting of what God was doing.

Last night I received one more phone call in this ordeal. My mom heard back, and there is no malignancy in whatever it is that is on her liver. The doctors aren't even going to do anything since it doesn't seem to be causing her any problems. Amidst feelings of joy and relief I was struck by this thought of "Why God? Why all the worrying? Why all the stress if there was nothing there?" In my attempt to connect all the dots I am convicted by two things, which are ultimately the reason for why I'm writing out this story (kudos to you if you've stuck with the long posting :) ).

First of all, I worry far too much. While this is something that I already knew about myself, this situation showed me how much of this is due to isolation. I hold my worries in, afraid to burden others with my fear and allowing them to fester and grow. I don't want people to see my weakness or feel uncomfortable as a result of my vulnerability. I worry that telling people is fruitless because of their inability to relate to the situation at hand. Being told to carry each others burdens is a heavy commandment not just to those called to carry, but to those called to unload.

Secondly, God answered a prayer in this. One of the things I have been reflecting on this summer is why I'm in law school and if I am glorifying God by being here or just holding onto childhood dreams for the sake of my own glory. Ultimately, could I walk away if God called me elsewhere? In all of my worrying one thing was very clear to me, if my mom's life was threatened by whatever was going on, I would go home. While the logistics of this freaked me out, I definitely had a peace about walking away and waiting on God's timing for coming back. I suppose this is easy to say in hindsight, and the fact that I don't have to make good on my promise right now makes it easier to swallow, but in some ways it's another confirmation. I can walk away if I need to, but for now, God has me here.

Summer Fun!

2008-06-07T17:47:00.002-05:00

Armed with a brand new library card and some free time I am currently compiling my summer reading list. I am calling upon you, my friends, for suggestions.

Wandering

2008-05-28T23:29:00.002-05:00

I've been searching for a place to live for this coming year. I keep showing up at coffee shops and front doors hoping that I find something special. This year has been, well, difficult in the living situation department. I find my self missing things like squeaky stairs and doors letting me know my suite mates were coming home from class, suite mates singing worship songs in the shower (yes, I could hear you ;) ), and peptobismal pink kitchens filled with smells of goodness. I think that's what I'm looking as I search for a new place to live, community. I was so blessed with such an amazing place to live for 3 years. I may be blocking out some of the less fond memories (floods and mice and things living in my closet), but I am so grateful for that experience.

I still have 2 months before I have to move out, but I feel this pressure to get something set in stone. So much of my life feels up in the air right now and it's frustrating to have so little control over stuff that feels so pressing. So friends, I ask for your prayers as I search and make my decision. Pray that God puts me in a home where I find peace and community, and that I wouldn't rush into any decisions just to get things decided. Pray that I would surrender this decision to Him and wait for His timing.

Top 15 Things I've Done Since August 2007

2008-05-17T12:10:00.004-05:00

(Because 10 was too few and 20 was too many)
In no particular order:

1. Experienced the awesomeness that is Fudge Puppies at the MN state fair.
2. Drove from CA to MN with some awesome late night driving bonding with the little sis.
3. Participated in a bowling league.
4. Was in a law related musi-cal.
5. Lived through an entire winter (minus that 1 month CA hiatus).
6. Went to a cheese factory in WI.
7. Spent New Years week eating, drinking, and chatting with my favorite people in the world.
8. The Rock Band Chick Band. 2am. 2 weekends in a row. We're ready for the tour.
9. Found where I want to live if I stay in MN: Stillwater.
10. Dunn Bros.
11. Discovered the PERFECT mugs, and bought 4.
12. Got together with the high school peeps for reminiscing.
13. Reconciled.
14. Celebrated holidays at the suburban bowling alley/bar w/ my awesome fam.
15.FINISHED MY FIRST YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL!! wOOt!

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-12T00:30:00.000-05:00

In celebration of mother's day I spent the afternoon with my G-ma and various other members of my extended family. In addition to shielding off questions about how finals were coming along, I had to deal with being the only non-mom adult woman there. One of my cousins wives just had her 4th child a few weeks ago. It seems like every time I come into contact with a baby, someone is shoving it into my arms and saying "you need the practice" in that sort of suggestive tone that really says "why aren't you married and pregnant yet?" They might really think I need the practice though, because they always seem to assume that I don’t know how to hold an infant properly ("don't forget to support the neck"). I suppose this may just be a misinterpretation of the uncomfortable vibes I'm sending out in response to their prior comment. It's not that I don't want to hold your baby, it's just that I don't want to think of it as practice for my future children.

Oh Finals

2008-05-07T22:08:00.002-05:00

I remember once in 7th grade we had to go to these parent-teacher-student conferences where we talked about setting goals and stuff. When asked about something I could improve on I remember saying that I wanted to not procrastinate so much. How ridiculous is it that at 22 this is still what I think I need to improve on? Oh well, maybe I'll work on it later.

Infinite

2008-04-13T22:18:00.002-05:00

Even though the calendar says it's April I'm having a hard time believing it because every time I go outside it still feels like winter. The intermittent "warm" spells have melted all the snow, but about once a week it still falls and for a day everything is covered in white yet again. There was a snow storm this weekend. While here in the cities we got mostly slush it was worse up north.

I say all this just to preface the fact that this snow storm threatened to ruin my church's "Spring" retreat. We were supposed to go up north, but the snow kept us here in Minneapolis. I was looking forward to getting away for the weekend, and I was not very optimistic about the prospect of having retreat at church in the heart of downtown and less than a mile from law school, the very place I wanted to get away from. However, God is good, and knows better than I do, and I leave this weekend feeling totally blessed.

I've struggled at times with trying to believe that even if I were the only person ever alive that Jesus would still have died for me. I've wondered if the grace I receive in Christ's death is only a byproduct of the fact that God loves all people and I just happen to be a person. This weekend we talked about God's infinite worth, and while God's personal love for me was not necessarily the primary topic, the Spirit definitely laid some heavy things on my heart. I hadn't thought about this struggle in quite some time. I think for the most part I've gotten over it. Still, today I totally had an "aha!" moment. Someone mentioned that God's attributes are infinite. He is infinitely merciful, infinitely just, infinitely gracious, infinitely powerful... and infinitely loving.

I can't even begin to wrap my mind around what it means that God is infinitely loving. By wondering if God loved me as an individual, I stuck his capacity to love in a box. A God who loves infinitely has no boundaries. Perhaps this is why he loves us even when we slap him in the face by doing wrong. It's just another one of those paradoxes of God that I really cannot explain, but still I experience it. God, who is greater than anything I can imagine and is worthy of so much more than I can offer, doesn't just see me in a crowd of faceless people half-heartedly attempting to glorify him, he sees me and he loves me.

A guessing game...

2008-03-14T09:09:00.004-05:00

This Little thing changed my life. I was really excited about it a few weeks ago but couldn't find a picture. Well I found one.

What do you think this is (if I already told you about it don't guess.)?

Please respond because I am bored and need distractions. :)

T.O.R.T. - Talentless???

2008-03-12T22:25:00.005-05:00

For the past 6 weeks I've been spending my Monday nights (and every night last week) singing and dancing in preparation for The Theater of the Relatively Talentless' (T.O.R.T.) production of "Robin Hood, Esq.". My role was limited to 3 dances, some background standing, and one line ("Yeah...but that's not because you're poor, that's because you're lazy."), but it was so much fun!

For those of you I haven't told about this, I'll give a little bit of background. Every year law students write, produce, direct, and act in a musical. It's always a parody of some other story, but they set the story in the law school (past musicals include "West Bank Story," "Walter Mondale and the Lawyer Factory," and "Frankenlaw"). The writers also incorporate well known songs, changing the words so that it fits within the story. Most of the jokes either refer to drinking or are inside jokes about law school (see my previous post).

I don't typically dance (unless of course it's an ADX dance party) so this whole hip shakin' thing was a little bit outside of my comfort zone. However, after 5 weeks of practicing in what one of my friends refers to as "the fish bowl" I was ready for the big stage. Our practice room was a lounge area with all glass walls in the front entrance to the law school and on the direct route to the library. People would stop as they walked by and literally gawk at us. Needless to say, the nightly audience helped with the stage fright in front of the paying audience.

My cousin, some of his friends, my roommate, and most of the law school were fortunate enough to see me make a fool of myself. Since most of the people who read this were not so lucky, I'll post some pictures.

We performed at a real theater in Minneapolis. It was impressive. ;)

Me and Christine on the first night of dress rehearsals. This is pre-dress after a treacherous commute to the theater because of icy sidewalks. Incidentally, even though Christine and I spend all our time together this is our first picture together.

The Mollys. There are 3 1Ls named Molly and we all happened to be in TORT(Molly on the left is also in my section and Molly in the center is also in my Bible study). I knew a girl in my kindergarten class named Molly, but other than her, my personal interactions with Mollys have been limited to dogs, so the fact that there are three of us is pretty impressive.

The section C ladies. Me, Annie (who had one of the leads as Robin Hood's L.L.M. companion), Jen, and Molly. Note the creative use of our hands to make the letter "C."

The Diagnosis

2008-02-26T21:42:00.005-06:00

So a funny thing happens when you go to law school…it takes over your life. Not in the "I'm so busy with all my fun extracurriculars and meeting my friends to hangout" sort of way that college takes over your life. I have literally caught myself considering not showering because it would take away from study time (I admit at times in college showering took a back seat to things like sleep…but studying, NEVER). This sort of life makes developing friendships kind of difficult, and not just because I smell from not showering (note: I shower at least every other day and I do not actually smell). It sucks when you start weighing the benefit of getting to know someone over coffee with the amount of time it will take from your study schedule.

So, once you get past the fact that 1 hour less of studying will not kill you (and realize that you spend more than an hour doing other pointless things that kept you from studying but you aren't trying to cut that stuff out), you start hanging out with law students. All law students talk about is law school. I think that most law students would agree that this is horribly annoying and yet we cannot stop ourselves!

While having a conversation with a bunch of law students about law school someone made a really funny joke. Now, the only reason the joke was funny is because we're law students. Then someone made the comment that over winter break they realized that "real people" don't think law school jokes are funny. For example:

Hypo: Friend trips on a crack as you're walking down the street everyone laughs.

Law Student 1: haha, you totally have a tort against the city.

Everyone else: ignores comment

Law Student 2 (if you're lucky enough to have 2 law student friends): A reasonable person would have been watching where they were going.

Law Student 1 and 2: laughing

Everyone else: having a different conversation

Get it? Yeah, not funny right (and there was a joke within the joke if you caught it…no…okay), but your average law student would totally respond this way to this situation. Then one of the other guys I was with told us what was wrong with us: law school tourette's. So, now that I have a diagnosis, please forgive me (and any of your other law student friends) for saying things that are not relevant and not funny. I'm working on finding a cure.

Psalm 121

2008-02-13T22:35:00.003-06:00

I lift up my eyes to the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth

He will not let your foot slip
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night

The LORD will keep you from all harm
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going,
both now and forevermore.

I'm having one of those days where I feel defeated. I feel like all the things competing for attention in my life are weighing me down. I think the hardest thing I'm dealing with is realizing that I see my time with God... my relationship with God, as one of those competing things. Psalm 121 has been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible for I don't know how long. It assures me that God is not there to weigh me down, but to protect and provide for me in light of the things that are actually tearing me down. However, turning this head knowledge into heart knowledge is not an easy task (and perhaps the fact that I see it as a task speaks to my struggle). I'm dealing with things I don't want to deal with and wrestling with things I don't want to wrestle with. Prayer is much appreciated :)

Caucussing

2008-02-05T23:24:00.000-06:00

As anyone with a pulse knows, last Tuesday was Super Duper Tuesday. While I find this whole amped up primary race to be kind of ridiculous, I was encouraged to participate because I thought it might make me feel like a responsible citizen.

Minnesota has a caucus instead of a primary. I thought it would be interesting to experience the political process from a different vantage point. It was a CIRCUS, literally...okay, not literally, but it was almost as crowded as the state fair and not nearly as organized (side note: everyone in MN shows up for the state fair...because it's awesome).

They shoved three small suburbs worth of precincts into the basement/cafeteria of a local high school and expected each precinct to be able to sit around a small lunch table. I think they thought there would be 5-10 people per precinct and it ended up being about 20-30. Madness. What I thought would be a 15 minute detour on my way to Bible study, ended up taking an hour and a half. Most of that time was just spent asking people to gather around the unmarked table of their precinct.

While I'm glad I had the experience, I was sorely disappointed by the lack of common sense most of the people who were there exhibited (which was further shown by the fact that Romney won the Republican straw poll in MN...jk). I'm not sure this whole caucus thing did our democratic system justice. I guess since the primary is all party run it doesn't really matter though. The two highlights of the night: the crowd spontaneously breaking into "God Bless America" while the mayhem of finding each precinct table broke out (thank you Republican party for living up to stereo types) and the many "Got Milk" posters which included a really awesome High School Musical ad.

A SUPER Super Bowl

2008-02-03T22:57:00.000-06:00

One of the things I miss terribly about Berkeley and undergrad is cooking and eating with large groups of people. I don't think it's the action itself that I miss, but rather the community that is experienced in the midst of the action. I believe that eating together is one of the ways we get to live out what the church in Acts looked like. Eating together stimulates conversation and if you're lucky intimacy. As we experience love in communities and within relationships God shows us how much He loves us.

I was reminded of this over winter break while spending time in Sacramento with a few of the people I love to eat with most. We spent several of our evenings in. Different people took turns serving the rest of us and heading up the bulk of the cooking duties. Then we sat around the table for an hour or so and just ate, drank, and talked. Then of course we'd move to another area of the house and talk some more.

When I think back on it, sharing meals was probably the impetus for most of my close relationships. I know that I really got to know the members of my freshman community group because of forced lunch buddies. The women that I was closest to in ADX used to make me dinner, which I happily accepted to avoid the DC. Another way that I avoided the DC was by mooching off of Emily and Ashley when they moved out of the dorms Spring semester. I came to love my discipleship group after a good deal of cafe discussions, both about why meeting at Milano just was not acceptable and about what God was doing in our lives.

I've struggled in the last several months with the lack of connection I feel with the people around me in MN. So, with these thoughts in mind and a desire to seek out closer relationships, I suggested to my roommate that we have a Super Bowl gathering and cook some good food. I totally saw God answer prayer. My roommate picked the menu and for the most part I cooked it, but an awesome thing happened in between, we went shopping. Part of me cringed as I watched the time go by on Saturday and realized I was not going to get my reading for Monday (or any other day of the week) done, but time like this with my roommate is pretty rare and so I made a decision to stop worrying and be grateful. I had fun cooking, and enjoyed eating and watching the game with my roommate and guests.

Okay, hold onto your seats, I'm about to get fancy! Here are some pictures of what we made!

This is a White Chicken Chili that has both corn and cilantro in it. I don't know if it really looks all that appetizing, but I promise it was delish!

This is Pots de Creme (I think that was what it was called anyway). Someone from my roommate's work made it for their Christmas party and was nice enough to pass the recipe along. You can't really tell, but there's a chocolate mousse/pudding under the whipped cream that had just a touch of brandy in it. I just bought these glasses at IKEA and was supper excited when they ended up being perfect for this recipe. The other highlight was the grated chocolate on top. My roommate bought a grater from the dollar store and was disappointed when she found out it wasn't a shredder. She didn't think she'd be able to use it for much, so this creative idea redeemed its value. (Not pictured: guac (10 for $10 avocados in MN in the winter!!!); salsa; sugar cookies shaped and decorated like footballs; sangria; and raspberry chipotle sauce (store bought) over cream cheese with crackers.)

P.S. This blog will not always be about food. If you want to read an awesome blog about food written by two people I love see: www.loveiscooking.blogspot.com

New Blog

2008-02-03T00:12:00.000-06:00

Okay, it's been a while. I think the last time I updated my old xanga was last spring. I've intended to start a new blog for quite sometime now, but I couldn't come up with a good title (Stephie, fudgepuppy was already taken?!?). This is not to say that I have come up with a good title, but I think it gets the point across.

Writing out my thoughts has always been a good way for me to process things and lately I feel like my life has given me a lot to process, but little time in which to do it. Perhaps now that I've set this up I'll make more time.

So yeah, check back for life updates, random thoughts, and maybe if I get fancy, some pictures.